


Make the monsters disappear

by cristallodineve



Series: How to save a life's universe [3]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-10 04:57:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7831162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cristallodineve/pseuds/cristallodineve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baekhyun and Chanyeol are in love, but they need to overcome their fears and doubts before. And when a phone call from home seems to upset Chanyeol a lot, Baekhyun starts to wonder about their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Plans

**Author's Note:**

> I strongly recommend reading How to save a life before this, it's not meant to be read as a standalone. Have a good time and enjoy<3

Kim Baekhyun walked into the kitchen, standing on his tiptoes. The man was facing the sink, washing a bunch of cabbage, and the noise of the water running was giving Baekhyun the chance of his life. 

«I heard you, brat» Xiumin said, turning to splash some water on him. Baekhyun playfully shrieked, hiding behind the half-closed door.

«I’ll manage to scare you, sooner or later!» he cried, before bouncing towards the small man to throw his arms around his neck. «Good morning, daddy. Did you sleep well?»

Xiumin smiled, the soft way he always did when Baekhyun referred to him with that affectionate name. «Yes, honey» he replied, hugging the boy back. «And you?»

«Like an angel.» Baekhyun inspected the vegetables soaking in the sink. «Cabbage soup, I gather?»

«It’s healthy and cheap.»

«You forgot disgusting» Baekhyun complained, but he sat on the counter to watch the man prepare breakfast for everyone. The rice cooker rang, and he opened the lid to take a spoonful of fluffy, steamy plain rice.

Xiumin slapped his hand away. «No stealing.»

Baekhyun scowled, looking at his father while he prepared the broth for the soup. Watching him cook always felt so calming, to him. He could just sat here and watch Xiumin’s lithe hands chop, stir and peel, and he would be the happiest boy in the world.

«Where’s dad?»

«He went to see his doctor» Xiumin replied. «Just a routine check, don’t worry. He went early because he wants to drive you guys to school as usual.»

Baekhyun nodded. No matter how childish it could be, he would always call Chen “dad” and Xiumin “daddy”, and it felt just right. When the two finally got in their hands the papers stating that they were legally recognized as a couple, and that Baekhyun was their adoptive son, the boy’s heart swelled with so much happiness he could barely contain it. He felt so happy for the whole day, and for many days afterwards.

«Daddy?»

«Yes?»

«Can I help you?»

Xiumin made a little room for him on the counter, and Baekhyun was given a cutting board and a knife to shred the cabbage leaves. Meanwhile, his father was soaking salted anchovies in cold water before adding them to the broth, along with a generous amount of soy sauce. The smell was delicious, Baekhyun thought, too bad it would be ruined soon by the stench of cabbage.

Making breakfast with Xiumin was... well, it was lovely. Baekhyun never knew tasted how it really felt being part of a family, before coming in the foster home. There, he was being shown for the first time what love really was, and it was all thanks to Chen and  Xiumin, who raised boys who underwent sever traumas and tragedies in their lives, helping them to get out of their shell of misery. Baekhyun witnessed them performing many miracles, while he was there... Tao’s metamorphosis, for example, turning him, who was a thug and a troublemaker, into a nice-mannered boy, or else, the wonderful job Xiumin made with Kai, who was prone to self-harm. Also, the way Xiumin’s love and perseverance saved Luhan, who was determined to starve to death. Many of them owed Chen and him so much that Baekhyun sometimes wondered how could he repay them properly. But then he got adopted... the perfect happy ending, in his opinion.

There was only one person, in the foster home, who didn’t improve much, no matter how hard Xiumin and Chen tried with him, and it was the one Baekhyun cared for the most.

Said person appeared in the doorframe, peeking inside the kitchen. «Is coffee ready?»

«It’s on its way» Xiumin replied. The coffee maker was already hissing, it was just a matter of seconds. Chanyeol sighed, fixing a rebellious lock on his forehead. He looked dashing, in his school uniform, and Baekhyun smiled at him. Shyly, lowering his eyes the very moment after their gazes locked, the taller boy left the kitchen, and Baekhyun could hear the sound of a chair being dragged on the floor while Chanyeol sat at the table.

When he turned, he saw Xiumin staring at him. «What’s wrong, Baek?»

The boy smirked. There was no way he could hide his distress from his father. «Nothing» he replied, «and everything, at the same time.»

Xiumin waited for him to go on, without saying anything. The man knew when it was the right time to urge his son, and when he would have talked anyway. He also knew that Chanyeol was Baekhyun’s boyfriend... well, sort of.

«I really don’t know how to explain it properly» Baekhyun murmured. «I know he has difficulties in expressing his feelings and that he’s blocked about his sexuality, but lately everything worsened. It’s like he doesn’t even want to look at me in the face... I didn’t do anything to him, I swear.»

«I believe you» Xiumin softly encouraged him, cleaning his hands on his apron before leaning in to touch his son’s cheek.

«I think I should do something to fix everything» the boy went on, swallowing, «but I really can’t imagine what.»

Xiumin looked at him, sighing. He knew Baekhyun wasn’t exaggerating: Chanyeol _was_ difficult to deal with, very difficult. Being the psychologist in charge of the foster home’s guest therapy, he would always have long sessions with the boy, hoping he would open up to him sooner or later. He sensed something was wrong, lately, because Chanyeol never acted that way before. He was a lively one, in spite of his still unsolved trauma, always smiling and making ruckus, but in the last few days, he turned gloomier, and he frequently spaced out with a miserable expression on his face. Xiumin didn’t want to interfere in his son’s love life, but he was sure that something weird was going on with his boyfriend.

«I think that being sincere it’s the only thing you could do, honey» he advised, stirring the soup and arranging the rice in a big service bowl, «if you think it’s right, you need to ask him directly.»

«It’s that... I don’t want to be rude. I want to respect him.»

«I can’t see anything disrespectful, in asking a single question, even if it might be hard to get an answer. But at least you’ll show him that you’re not giving up on him.»

Baekhyun nodded. «I guess so» he murmured, and Xiumin reached over to ruffle his son’s hair until the boy smiled and squirmed away. He lifted the heavy pot and put it on the cart, before going out of the small kitchen to greet the other boys.

Xiumin stayed put for a second, thinking. He became Baekhyun’s father just recently, and even if Chen and him always felt that the boy was special, since he was the first one they took into the foster home, being his parents was a whole different thing. It was great, surely, since Baekhyun was lovely and very affectionate, quenching Xiumin’s too long neglected wish to build a family, but it also brought along a lot of worries that were totally new for the psychologist and his husband. Xiumin felt responsible for Baekhyun’s well-being and health, but the boy wasn’t a kid anymore, and it was a little hard to understand when he needed a suggestion to prevent him from doing something stupid or when they should have kept silent to let him choose by himself what to do. Anyway, Xiumin hated seeing his son so sad, and he hoped he gave him the right advice, at least for this time.

He loved Chanyeol too, as one of their foster home’s guests... but he really hoped he would not break his son’s heart.

\---oOo---

Baekhyun walked in the common room, smiling when he noticed that his best friend was already there, munching on a slice of bread.

Oh Sehun was the last of them to come into the foster home, but Baekhyun immediately got along well with him. He sincerely admired his straightforward personality and his gentle manners. Sometimes he joked that, if he wasn’t already so lost for Chanyeol, he would have fallen for Sehun like a stone into the sea, but well, it was better like that, since Sehun was already in a committed relationship.

«Hello» he said, sitting next to the blond boy. Sehun waved at him, still chewing. «Where’s Luhan?»

«Blowing his hair dry» the other replied, looking for the butter’s plate. «He stayed up all night to study. Do you mind?»

Baekhyun handed him the butter. «Here.» He watched as Sehun spread it generously on another slice of bread, wolfing it down in a couple mouthfuls. He envied his friend’s metabolism... he had a feeling that if he ate as Sehun did, he would be fat and full of pimples.

«He’s trying really hard, isn’t he?»

«He’s very determined» Sehun confirmed, eyes lighting up as Xiumin appeared carrying the cart with the soup and rice, «his dictionary doesn’t contain the word “fail”, apparently.»

«I wish I had his brains» Baekhyun pouted, passing over the cups filled of rice to those who were sitting at the end of the table. Chanyeol was there, chatting with Joonmyeon and Yixing, who recently became a couple as well.

Sehun noticed his gaze turning sad. «What’s wrong?»

Baekhyun spooned some rice into his soup, hoping that it would help masking the cabbage’s taste. «Look at Chanyeol» he murmured.

Sehun did as he was told, blinking. «He seems normal to me. What do you mean?»

«Look _closely_.»

Sehun watched the tall boy laugh hard at a joke told by Joonmyeon, wondering why sometimes Baekhyun had to be such a drama queen, seeing problems where they didn’t exist, but then he noticed something weird.

Usually, Chanyeol would come to sit next to his boyfriend, eating and talking together. That day, though, he sat next to other boys, and he never looked at Baekhyun.

«Did you two have an argument?» he asked, keeping his voice low.

«No» Baekhyun replied, miserable. «We went to sleep as usual, after finishing homework, he told me goodnight, and when I woke up today he was... like this.»

«Did he have a bad dream?» Sehun knew that sometimes Chanyeol was tormented by nightmares and suffered of night terrors. 

«I always wake up, when I hear him trash and whimper in his sleep, and last night I heard nothing. He slept peacefully, for what I know.»

Sehun sighed. «Please, Baekhyun, don’t cry. You don’t even know what’s going on, maybe he’s just having a bad morning.»

«I’m not crying!» Baekhyun angrily retorted, looking around quickly before wiping his eyes as quick as a flash. He didn’t want any of the other boys to see him so distressed, but above all he didn’t want his father to realize he was hurting much more than what he told him previously. He would have worried for him, and maybe he could even decide to go ask directly to Chanyeol if something was wrong... the worst scenery possible. «Fuck» he cursed, under his breath. Sehun was still looking at him, when Luhan made his appearance, all nicely dressed and combed, stealing the blonde’s attention.

«Hello» the Chinese boy greeted Baekhyun, after receiving a peck on his cheek from his boyfriend, «why the gloomy face?»

«Not now, Luhan» Sehun warned him. «Baekhyun is having issues with Chanyeol.»

«Issues like what?»

«Issues.»

«Now that I think of it, I heard him talking on the phone, yesterday, when I went to the vending machine to get a can of Red Bull. He sounded angry, and I wondered who was he talking to.»

Baekhyun leaned over to whisper to Luhan. «What did you say?»

«It was late» Sehun’s boyfriend explained, «two in the morning, I think. I was feeling drowsy for the lack of sleep, so I went to the vending machine walking on tiptoes not to wake Sehun up... this must be the reason why he didn’t hear me approach. He was sitting on his heels by the end of the corridor, staring out of the window, and he kept rambling about something that couldn’t be done. When he heard me inserting the coins in the machine, he ended the call and walked away.»

Baekhyun was on pins and needles. «Did you understand who was he talking to?»

Luhan shook his head. «I’m sorry, but no. It just lasted a couple seconds... as soon as he heard me, he walked away. I just heard him repeating “it can’t be done, I really cannot do it”, and he looked pretty upset to me. Angry, even.»

Baekhyun stared at the rice grains soaking in the cabbage broth, feeling his insides twist. «He has something in his mind, recently» he murmured. «He’s always spacing out, and he looks so sad.»

Luhan glanced towards the tall boy, who was laughing out loud at some nonsense told by Yixing. «I don’t know. He looks pretty normal to me.»

«He’s tormented by something» Baekhyun insisted. «Something he doesn’t want me to know. He’s trying to hide it so hard.»

«I... I have no idea whom he was talking to» Luhan said, exchanging a worried look with Sehun, «I’m sorry, Baekhyun.»

Sehun followed his best friend with his dark eyes while Baekhyun stood, leaving his food almost untouched. «Where are you going?»

«Toilet» the other curtly replied, before disappearing.

Sehun and Luhan stared at each other. «What on Earth is happening?»

«I have no idea» Luhan replied, sipping at his soup with a frown, «but I’m afraid it’s nothing good.»

\---oOo---

History class was always a pain, and usually Baekhyun didn’t really listen to the professor’s explanations, spending half of the time doodling on the book’s pages and the other half writing small messages on tiny scraps of paper to Sehun, whose desk was only a little bit apart from his one. And that day, their exchange was frantic.

 _Shouldn’t you just confront him directly?_ Sehun wrote. _Something like, idk, “baby, I’ve noticed that lately you are really sad. May I help you feeling better somehow?”_

 _Are you dumb?_ Baekhyun replied. _This would never work, with someone like him_.

Baekhyun knew from experience that Chanyeol never really voiced his fears and worries, keeping everything bottled inside. He wasn’t as talkative and extroverted like him, and confronting him about such a serious matter wasn’t really a good idea.

Sehun’s next paper, though, made him almost jump on his seat.

 _Did you two already get physical with each other? You know, sometimes talking about important things after sex helps_.

Baekhyun felt like crying again. Was Sehun an idiot or what? Chanyeol had been raped, in the past, and never got past it. He would not even let Baekhyun kiss him on his lips, let alone touch him in a sexual way. All they did, physically speaking, until that moment, was holding hands, hugging lightly and pecking on cheeks, just like kids. Baekhyun felt his anger arise.

Sehun was a real insensitive idiot, for asking such an indelicate question. As if everything was easy-peasy, for Luhan and him... Baekhyun almost lost count of how many times he comforted a crying or a upset Sehun, when Luhan revealed his intentions to take the entrance exam in one of the most prestigious colleges in China. Sehun had no right to lecture him like that.

Another little paper plane hit him on his elbow while the teacher was scribbling something on the blackboard, and Baekhyun angrily spread the little paper, reading its contents.

_I have an idea. What if we try making him jealous?_

Baekhyun stared at Sehun’s lithe handwriting as if it was a foreign language. _Have you lost your mind? How could this help me?_

_I have a feeling this will help him understand that you are important to him._

Damn. Sehun had a point, but Baekhyun was too scared to say yes. _What if this just makes things worse?_ He didn’t want to hurt Chanyeol.

_I don’t know._

_Let me do it_ , Sehun reassured him, winking while Baekhyun read the paper, _I know a person that might help you both_.

\---oOo---

«Baekhyun, this is Jonghyun. I already explained everything to him, and he agreed to be part of our plan.»

Baekhyun looked at the boy that Sehun was introducing to him, his mind completely blank. He wasn’t too fond of his friend’s plan to make Chanyeol jealous, but Sehun insisted so much that Baekhyun had no choice but to follow him in the school yard to meet this infamous dude. And honestly, now that he saw him in person, he finally got what the blonde meant.

«Hello» the boy politely greeted him. He was tall but not too much, he had a nice body, and his face was... Baekhyun lowered his gaze, feeling suddenly shy. Jonghyun was hot. Way hotter than Chanyeol, if he had to be honest.

«You have a nice style» Jonghyun complimented him, and Baekhyun furiously blushed. That day he was wearing his favourite set of colourful bangles, a rather flashy ring and a single dangling earring. He also put extra care in his makeup, carefully lining his eyes with black kohl.

«T-thank you.» It was a while, since somebody turned him into a blubbering mess like that. That Jonghyun dude really struck a chord on him, for some reason.

Suddenly, he realized the truth. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t agree with Sehun’s plan. He knew his friend meant no harm, but the whole thing was just plain cruel towards Chanyeol. Chanyeol was upset about something serious, and they were just playing him around.

«I’m sorry» he murmured, «but I’m not sure I can do it.»

«Baek» Sehun began, ready to reproach him, but then he noticed his face, and he swallowed his rant. «I’m sorry» he said. «Maybe it’s too much. Jonghyun, I’ll see you later...»

«Can I say something?» the boy suddenly asked.

«Uh, sure» Sehun allowed him, putting a protective arm around Baekhyun’s slender shoulders.

«Do you know Kibum?»

Baekhyun frowned. «The deejay? The one who’s nicknamed Key?» He was kind of famous at school, since he liked putting on music during proms and events, and he also was a trendsetter and a fashionista, wearing always flashy stuff. He was one of Baekhyun’s personal idols, if he had to be sincere... and he was a little shocked to discover that Jonghyun knew him.

«Yes. Him.» Jonghyun paused, biting his lower lip in a way that made Baekhyun’s heart flutter. That boy was really so hot, and his manners were sensual and feline, even if it looked like he wasn’t conscious of being so sexy. «He’s my boyfriend, and I’m pretty sure he’s been cheating on me, lately.»

Baekhyun started to get Jonghyun’s point. «Yeah?»

The other smiled. «We could... help each other, don’t you think? I mean, if he ever saw me strolling around with a beauty like you, he would get jealous almost instantly. As well as your boyfriend, I think.»

«I... I don’t know.» But Baekhyun was already feeling his cheeks getting red because of Jonghyun’s compliments. He liked his way of flirting, and he panicked inside when he realized that he was getting way too worked up for this foolish thing. He wanted to hold hands with that hot boy, to feel his adoring looks on himself, to listen to his deep voice praising him. What was wrong with it, exactly? Chanyeol _never_ looked at him that way. With Chanyeol everything was complicated, hard to get. Jonghyun looked honest and gentle, and Baekhyun was sincerely relieved to hear that he didn’t want to mix any feelings into that mess.

Just some innocent flirting, he thought. It couldn’t be that bad.

Jonghyun leaned over, lowering his head a little to meet Baekhyun’s gaze. His eyes were pretty, Baekhyun thought. «I think we both need it» he said, smiling softly. «Am I wrong?»

Finally, Baekhyun smiled as well. «No, you’re not.»

Sehun walked away discreetly, letting the two having some privacy while chatting comfortably sitting on the lawn. After the first moment of awkwardness, they seemed to get along well. He waved to Luhan, who was waiting for him in the canteen.

«How did it go?» Luhan asked, worried. He wasn’t too fond of Sehun’s plan to help their friends, honestly. It felt a little too much, to him.

Sehun frowned. «I don’t know» he said, looking at his boyfriend. «Good, I think. Even a little _too much_.»

So, it began. Jonghyun asked for Baekhyun’s cell phone number, and started to call him during the day, just to chat. The boy was adorably nice and well-mannered, and Baekhyun really liked him. They could talk for hours without growing tired. Music, fashion, movies, Jonghyun seemed to know about everything. It was a real pleasure listening to him.

Chanyeol began to notice something a few days after. Baekhyun was always on his phone, talking to someone, and this was new. Usually, the boy was always watching TV or surfing the internet (he rarely did his homework, preferring copying it by Sehun late in the evening), so something must have been up.

A few days later, while he was having lunch in the school yard with Jonghyun, Baekhyun was on seventh heaven. «It’s working» he informed the boy. «Chanyeol’s getting jealous. He still cares about me... now I’ve real confirmation for it. It’s such a relief.»

«I’m glad for you, Baek. Yesterday, Kibum came to ask me who was the nicely dressed dude I was having lunch with lately. He looked like he couldn’t care less, but I know he was concerned about it.»

Baekhyun chuckled. «We’re both really good actors, aren’t we?»

The other sighed, looking at him in a way that made Baekhyun sway a little. «Yeah, I think so. But really, sometimes I don’t even need to act, when you look at me like that. Please, stop, or I’ll do something I might regret later.»

Baekhyun averted his gaze, his cheeks burning up. «Do you mean...»

«Sorry, Baek» Jonghyun murmured, «but I think we need to stop this before it gets out of hand.»

Baekhyun opened his mouth, because he really wanted to say something to Jonghyun, but then he closed it tightly. He was scared of the strength of the emotional wave that hit him in that moment. Jonghyun wasn’t even his real boyfriend, it was just an act... but still, being rejected like that kind of hurt. Was he so thirsty of love and gentleness to fall for such a farce?

He was so pathetic.

Jonghyun leaned over to stroke his cheek. «Don’t cry.»

«Sorry» Baekhyun murmured, overwhelmed by his feelings. «I’ve gotten a little emotional. You’re perfectly right... and I hope you’ll fix everything with Key soon.» He’s lucky to have you, he would have added, but he choked on his words, his lips trembling.

Jonghyun’s fingers were still on his cheek, caressing it lightly, and even with his eyes closed, Baekhyun felt his lips hovering over his cheek.

He wanted that kiss, he realized. Even if it was just cheating. Cheating on what, though? Sometimes it felt as if his story with Chanyeol was something that existed only in his mind.

Jonghyun pecked his cheek gently. «See you, Baekhyun» he murmured, standing up. «I’ll call you in a day or two, okay? We might chat.»

Baekhyun nodded, trying to smile. He perfectly knew, as Jonghyun, that he would have never called him again.

He went to the toilets to wash his face and fix his makeup. He hated going around with his eyeliner all smudged. While he was lining his lids, though, he found Chanyeol staring at him into the mirror.

«What’s up with you creeping behind my back?» he asked, trying to sound smart.

The tall boy didn’t react to the joke. «I saw you with a guy in the yard, before.»

 _Oh fuck. Here we go_. For a second, he considered lying, something like “oh, just a random kid I’ve met”, but then he saw the scowl on Chanyeol’s face, and it annoyed him.

«Yes, he’s Jonghyun. He’s cool.»

«Cool, uh?»

«Yes. Cool.»

«Baek» Chanyeol insisted, looking at him sharply, «he kissed you. I saw it.»

Something inside Baekhyun crashed, shattering in a million pieces. Sehun’s plan was to make Chanyeol crazy jealous rubbing in his face that he could get a hot boyfriend just by wanting it, but it wasn’t working, not as expected, at least. Chanyeol’s expression wasn’t annoyed, not even angry.

He looked sad. Betrayed, almost.

«Come on, get angry to me» Baekhyun told him, under his breath. «Please, yell. Curse. Hit me, I don’t care.»

Chanyeol glanced at him, the look of hurt still in his eyes.«What the fuck are you saying? Did you lose your mind?»

«It was just an act. I was trying to make you jealous.»

«God in heavens, why?»

«Because...» _Because you are important to me. Because you seemed so distant lately. Because I’m afraid to lose you_. «Nevermind.»

«I can’t understand you, Baek» Chanyeol admitted, flustered. «Please, tell me what’s wrong.»

The boy snapped. «What’s wrong? What’s wrong with _me_? It’s _you_ who have been giving me the cold shoulder for a while!»

Chanyeol blinked, lowering his gaze. It was obnoxious, seeing a guy like him, tall and strong like a bull, hunching up his shoulders in such a pitiful way. «I’m sorry, Baek. I told you, I’m not ready for physical contact yet...»

«You, you, it’s always all about you» he spat, furious. «You got raped once, and the world crashes.»

«Baekhyun» Chanyeol tried to interrupt him, shocked, but the boy was unstoppable.

«Do you have the faintest idea of how many times _I_ got raped? And I never made a big deal of it.»

Chanyeol was looking at him, pale. No, he never thought of it, Baekhyun realized, not even a single time, judging by his expression. Rage almost choked him.

«I’ve been forced to spread my legs to the filthiest, most disgusting men on earth. Do you think I just shrugged it off? Well, I didn’t. It still torments me, as you can see.» He tugged at his pink shirt, and he even took off his bracelets and hair accessories, throwing them to Chanyeol one by one. He didn’t even try to dodge, looking at him with wide eyes.

«I think the way you act is disrespectful» Baekhyun went on, so furious the words were coming out all mashed together, «you’re so selfish, you never think of me. I feel dying inside, seeing you so sad, because, fuck, I know how it feels, and then you just come here and give me the doe eyes. I thought you were hurting, damn me. I got worried for nothing. And then... then you just lecture me for cheating on you! As if I could ever do something so stupid!»

He didn’t realize he was crying until he felt the wetness on his cheeks. His makeup was ruined, but he couldn’t care less. «I’ve tried my damnest» he sobbed, «to be there for you when you needed it, to respect your loathe of physical contact, to appreciate you for who you really are, even without getting nothing in return. I tried, but apparently it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t reach you, no matter how hard I tried. And it felt so...» He started crying, whining like a baby. He couldn’t take it anymore. A hidden, spiteful part of him wished that Jonghyun was there with him, kissing him softly as he did before, and he cried out in frustration.

He just wanted to be loved, just a tiny bit.

Chanyeol raised a shaky hand trying to touch his head, but Baekhyun shoved him away. «Don’t fucking touch me» he snapped. «I’m going to the nurse pretending to be sick and I’ll call my dad to go home. I don’t want to see you for the rest of the day.»

«Baek...»

He walked away, leaving Chanyeol behind. His head was hurting and his stomach was upset.

Maybe he wouldn’t even need to pretend.

\---oOo---

Chen arrived shortly after, called by the school nurse, who felt Baekhyun’s forehead, witnessed his state and dialled the number immediately.

«Dad» Baekhyun whined, when he saw the man appearing in the infirmary. Chen didn’t waste time, approaching his son to caress his hair soothingly. «Baek» he murmured, puzzled, «what happened? You looked fine, this morning.»

Baekhyun started to sob in a heart-wrenching way, and the man just sat beside him, holding him tightly to his chest until his crying subsided. Chen’s heartbeat was steady and a little rushed, and it felt calming to Baekhyun, who finally started to relax against his father’s warm body. «I’m just glad Minseok didn’t come instead of me» Chen said, «he would have freaked out so much, if he ever saw you like this.»

Baekhyun chuckled, then he closed his eyes, feeling drowsy. Nothing could beat Xiumin’s hugs, to make him feel better, but Chen’s were nice as well. While the psychologist was more maternal and gentle, his husband had a straightforwardness and a honesty that never failed to strike a chord in Baekhyun’s heart. He just loved them so much... them both. They saved him in many, many ways.

«Let’s get out of here, shall we?»

Chen thanked the nurse, signed for Baekhyun’s leaving, then he insisted to carry his son’s bag to the car. «Let’s go sit in a nice café or something» he suggested. «So we can talk.»

Baekhyun nodded, before getting inside and letting his father drive him to a nice coffee shop nearby. At that time of the day, there weren’t many customers, and it felt nice being there with Chen. The man ordered two hot chocolates with extra cream on top and a plate of cookies. He was a strong believer in the power of sugar to make people feel good, and Baekhyun started to think he was really right.

«What happened, Baek? It’s been a while, since I saw you so upset.»

Sipping on the hot beverage, the boy told him everything, since the very beginning. Sehun’s plan, Jonghyun’s niceness, Chanyeol’s reaction. He felt a little ashamed to reveal to his father how much he got involved with Jonghyun, at least at emotional level, but he needed to let it out.

«I think I’ll need to have a little talk with Sehun later» Chen said, a little irritated. «It was a very foolish idea.»

«I know I shouldn’t have accepted» Baekhyun confirmed, his cheeks burning, «but...  but that guy was so nice to me... so caring, while Chanyeol would barely look at me, and I...»

«I know, Baek» Chen gently finished for him, «you just wanted to feel loved and cared for. It’s normal.»

Baekhyun felt like crying again. Somehow, he expected Chen to scold him for being harsh to Chanyeol, and the man surprised him with all that gentleness. «I should apologize to him.»

«Yes, I think you should» Chen agreed, softly. «But I also think you did good, finally letting him know what you really think. Honesty is everything, Baek, believe me. You are still too afraid to voice out your real feelings to each other... the both of you, I think. You can’t go on like this.»

Baekhyun felt his insides clench in spite of the hot drink soothing his guts. «I don’t want to lose him, dad.»

«Then tell him» Chen encouraged him, nibbling on a cookie. «For the love of God, tell him. And try asking him what the hell he has to do by the end of the month.»

«What?»

Chen sighed. «I really shouldn’t tell you about this» he revealed, «Minseok would kill me if he knew, but Chanyeol parents, through the social assistants, asked us to let their son go to visit them by the end of the month, for a short trip, a couple days only I think. What I really don’t understand is why  Chanyeol seemed so angry about it. He had no problems going to see his family before, he always go to his hometown for Christmas and stuff... but this time it’s definitely different. He wouldn’t tell us why, though. Not even Minseok.» He paused, looking intensely at his son. «Something is really bothering him about this trip. This must be the reason why he acts so weird lately.»

«I knew nothing about it» Baekhyun admitted, but then he remembered about a detail: Luhan told him about a phone call, before, that seemed to have made Chanyeol very upset. Maybe he was talking to his parents.

«You weren’t supposed to» Chen admitted, «but since it’s an emergency...»

«Dad?»

«Yes, Baek?»

«I think I need a honest opinion.» Baekhyun straightened his back, facing Chen with a determined expression. «Do you think I screwed up everything?»

The  man looked at him. «I’m not going to lie» he said. «There’s a chance you did ruin everything you built up until now.»

Baekhyun sighed. He knew Chen was right, and he regretted so much getting angry at Chanyeol before. He wanted to hug him, to feel him against his body. To take away the pain that was eating him alive.

Chen leaned over the table to meet his son’s gaze with a smile. «But you cannot be sure until you talk to him, am I correct?»

Baek smirked in spite of his teary eyes, letting his father hold his hand while he cried again. His head was hurting for all that weeping and there was people staring, but oh well.

He still had a chance to fix everything. A small, almost non-existent one... but a chance, nonetheless.


	2. Hugs

Baekhyun spent the rest of the day in his room, curled up in his bed hugging his favourite pillow. Xiumin stayed with him for a while, slumped next to him, petting his hair and rubbing soothing circles on his back, and his reaction when he saw his puffy face wasn’t nearly as bad as Baekhyun expected. The man just listened to Chen’s explanation with wide eyes, but then he just opened his arms wide for the boy. He helped him cleaning his face from the smudge of his ruined makeup, and then Baekhyun was more than happy to hide against his warm chest and cuddle with him. He even fell asleep, at some point, because he suddenly woke up when he heard Xiumin hum softly a song that was fairly popular.

«Sorry, honey» the man told him, smiling gently, «I didn’t realize you were asleep.»

«It’s okay» Baekhyun slurred, adjusting again Xiumin’s body. «Go on. I like it when you sing.»

Xiumin chuckled and kept humming, while reading through one of the pile of papers he brought to Baekhyun’s bed. His father was always so full of paperwork and boring stuff coming from the social services’ office, and a lot of times he fell asleep on it on his study’s table, gaining terrible headaches and back pains in the morning. Baekhyun stared at him with half-lidded eyes, while the man underlined a few lines with a pencil on a page. It felt as if nothing and no one could ever harm him, when he was surrounded by his father’s love.

«Daddy, I told Chanyeol something really awful, before.»

Xiumin put the papers aside and took off the thick reading glasses, giving his son his full attention. «What kind of awful?»

Baekhyun hid his face against Xiumin’s sweatshirt. «I practically accused him to be overdramatic about the sexual abuse he suffered in the past, and then I boasted over the fact that I was sexually assaulted a lot of times more than him, and that I never made a big deal of it.» He paused, feeling miserable. He cried so much that his eyes were dry and burning, and not even a single tear would fall. «I was so angry, daddy.»

The man caressed his hair again. «Baekhyun» he said, «it’s true you were harsh to him, but it’s not like you revealed to him something he didn’t know before. He already knew that you’ve been abused for years and now you’re able to live a normal life, while he’s still struggling with that single time a sick man took advantage of him.»

«I’ve been so mean to him.»

Xiumin continued stroking his head, talking in a soft tone. «You know I’m always respectful of everyone’s privacy, and you also know that I won’t tell you any detail about the sessions that I’m having with Chanyeol. But honey, I swear it, that boy’s struggling like crazy. He’s a warrior. He didn’t surrender to the monsters of his past yet. He’s fighting.»

Baekhyun wanted to believe it, he really wanted it. But then he remembered Chanyeol’s expression while they fought at school.

«He looked so sad, daddy» he whispered, «so _defeated_.»

«You look sad too, now, but this doesn’t mean you’ve given up on him. As well as him becoming a little more distant than usual doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s overwhelmed by his monsters or that he lost interest in you.»

«Do you really think so?»

«Yes, honey. I do think so.»

Baekhyun snuggled closer, burying his face in Xiumin’s clothes again. He didn’t care, if it made him look like a kid, it felt so good. Baekhyun was exhausted and was about to fall asleep again, but then Xiumin spoke again.

«It’s a really hard struggle for him» he said. «Chanyeol was starting to forget about everything, since he got together with you. You did good to him, you were helping him recover, but now he’s been forced to face the most traumatic event of his past again, just when he was starting to feel really happy. It’s been hard, for him.»

Baekhyun straightened up, propping on an elbow to face his father. «What is it, daddy? What happened?»

Xiumin massaged the bridge of his nose. «You can try asking him, if you want, but don’t expect him to reply with a straight face. I’m sure he’ll tell you, sooner or later, but believe me, Baekhyun, this isn’t something you can force him to spill out if he doesn’t want to. It’s too personal, too painful. Do you understand me?»

Baekhyun hugged him again, closing his eyes.

Yes. He understood. He understood very well, actually.

«Now rest, honey» Xiumin gently urged him, «I’m going downstairs to make tea.»

Baekhyun let the man disentangle himself from his limbs, settling against the pillows to seek out every bit of warmth Xiumin left behind.

He had a lot of things to tell Chanyeol, when he would be back from school.

\---oOo---

When someone knocked at his bedroom’s door, Baekhyun jumped from the bed, his mind spinning around a single thought: he wasn’t wearing makeup and his hair was surely a huge mess.

Thankfully, the worried face that appeared in the doorframe didn’t belong to his roommate.

«May I come in?» Sehun asked, hesitant. «I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.»

Baekhyun relaxed instantly, seeing his friend’s face. «Come. You got me scared for a sec, I thought it was Chanyeol. I need to do my hair and face asap.»

Instead of coming to sit on his bed next to him as he always did (cuddling with Sehun was second only to cuddling with Xiumin), the blonde boy stayed by the door, awkward. «Uh... I’m so sorry for what happened before, Baek. Jonghyun told me everything.»

«Well» Baekhyun stretched, trying to ease the stiffness of his arms and back, «we both agreed it was a little foolish and we said goodbye to each other in a rather cool way. I think it could have gone worse, honestly.»

Sehun attempted a tiny smile, but his expression was sour. «Luhan got mad at me, when I told him you and Chanyeol had an argument» Sehun explained. «He said I’ve been stupid to think this could have led anywhere, and that you had plenty of rights to be furious towards me.» He swallowed.

Baekhyun groaned. «Fuck. Sometimes you people are all so _gay_. I’m no kiddo, right? You might have been the one who suggested the plan, but I agreed to it. And, if I really have to be honest... Jonghyun and me had a good chemistry together. A really good one, do you get what I mean? It could have led to a huge disaster, since we were both lonely and heartbroken. Thanks God we stopped right in time. So yeah, I fought with Chanyeol because I was sad and ashamed of what I did... of what I thought. I sort of cheated on him, at least at a mental level.»

Sehun watched him worriedly. «Baek, is there something I can do for you? For you both?»

Baekhyun went to the bathroom, starting to work a comb through his hair. «Cheer for me. I’m going to do something really challenging, when  Chanyeol will be back.»

Sehun blinked at him. «Uh... Baekhyun? Chanyeol is _already_ back. He’s outside playing soccer with Tao.»

Baekhyun stopped, holding the comb mid-air. For a second, he felt so _hurt_ he could barely breath. He secretly hoped Chanyeol would rush into their room to see if he was alright, to apologize or whatever. But apologize for what, since he was the one who insulted him earlier?

«Fuck» he cursed, grabbing the sink’s sides as if he wanted to eradicate it from the wall. «Fuck, fuck, fuck.»

He was angry. So fucking angry. While he was there, moping and feeling down, that moron was _playing soccer_ in the yard as if nothing happened.

«Baekhyun» Sehun murmured, coming closer. «Do you want me to tell him to come here? That you need him?»

 _No, please go choke him for me, thank you very much_. «No, he’ll come here to shower, sooner or later, or to get his clean undies, at least. I’ll just wait.»

Sehun smiled lightly, before creeping at his back and hugging him tightly.

«Ow» Baekhyun protested, but he loved it, when Sehun showed him so much affection. It was so nice, having a friend like him. «Who needs Jonghyun when I can have you?» he purred, and Sehun let him go, making a face.

«Who’s being gay now?»

Baekhyun chuckled. He watched his friend disappear into the corridor, then he opened the window. Chanyeol was indeed in the yard, running behind Tao, who was scoring a goal after another. Seeing his lithe figure, all almost impossibly long arms and legs, his big ears and gentle eyes, his heart ached in the most pleasing way.

He loved him so much.

He stayed put, watching the two playing together, until Tao went inside to get a drink and Chanyeol sat on the ground, wiping his sweat with a towel. Then, when the boy stood and began to walk his way inside the building, he went to his closet, fishing for a complete change of clean clothes. He perfectly knew which pair of sweatpants Chanyeol liked the most, and what was his favourite hoodie.

«Room service» he joked, when Chanyeol appeared on the doorstep, handing the clothes to him. The boy took them in his hands, unsure of what to say.

«Er... thank you.»

«You’d better have a shower, before you catch a cold» Baekhyun told him. «Outside is chilly, and you’re drenched.»

«Okay.»

Baekhyun didn’t move, while Chanyeol entered the bathroom and got rid of all his dirty clothes, stepping into the shower.

He didn’t even say hello, he realized. And he sounded so harsh, telling him to wash himself as if he was all stinky and stuff. Well, he didn’t exactly smell like roses, but Baekhyun definitely liked the way his old tee adhered to the straight lines of his body... the fabric was slightly worn out, and it left very little to the imagination.

He took a deep breath, stepping into the small bathroom. Behind the shower’s curtain, Chanyeol gasped and turned the water off, startled.

«Relax, I’m not going to jump into the shower with you» Baekhyun told him. He sounded bitter again, but he felt as if he couldn’t control the emotions seeping through his voice. «I’m just going to stay here for a while. You can continue washing, if you want. And before you think bad, I won’t peek at your naked body or whatever. I just came here to talk, okay?»

There was a pause, while Chanyeol digested his words. «Okay» he murmured, after a while, then he turned on the water again, but at a lower speed, so he could hear Baekhyun’s voice.

Baekhyun sat on the toilet’s lid, trying to calm down. Was he really ready to tell something like this to anyone?  «I want you to know that you’re the only one whom I’ve told this» he started, curling his hands into fists, grabbing the material of Chanyeol’s pants. «I’ve kind of said something to my dads as well, but not in a detailed way. So... you’re the first one to hear the full story. Congrats.» He clapped his hands, mocking a cheer. The water stopped running, while Chanyeol’s shadow, behind the curtains, stilled. He was listening, and Baekhyun swallowed.

«You know the refrain, my mom was an addict and a prostitute, and she was always looking for extra money. She fed me, gave me clothes to wear and some place to sleep, but she wasn’t a mother in the proper sense. She just... well, let’s say she was just the person who gave birth to me.» Baekhyun paused, trying to organize his thoughts into words. «I was fourteen, when she first dressed me as a girl and combined for me an encounter with a man. I remember... I remember sitting all alone in a motel room, wearing some lacy skirt that didn’t look bad on me. I kind of liked it, if I have to be sincere... as well as I liked the ribbons, the colourful accessories and the nice shoes she made me wear. It was some sort of a game, for me. Or this is what I thought until I saw the man come in.» He shuddered, suddenly overwhelmed by the powerful memory. «He was bald, overweight and had this thick glasses hiding half of his face. He came in smiling, but there was something in his expression that scared me senseless. I began yelling for my mom, but she didn’t come to save me. “Hush, there’s nothing to be scared” the man told me, creeping closer, “look, I’ve brought a present for you. Do you like it?” It was a rather expensive box of chocolates. Mom hadn’t been going shopping for days and the fridge was empty. How can I put it? I was starving.

«I opened the box, ripping the paper apart, and I put the candy in my mouth while he started touching me. He kept saying I was cute and whatever, but I couldn’t focus on his words. You know how these things works. I was young and inexperienced, and I had no idea of what that man could want from me. I naively thought he was just seeking for some innocent company, I knew nothing about the harsh world outside my flat’s walls, since mom had some kind of morals and always met her clients in motels, because apparently she didn’t want me to see inappropriate stuff. She must have been really broke and desperate, to sell me away like that. Now I understand it... but then, I felt so betrayed, so lost. I hated her so much for what she did to me.» He paused, breathing deeply. He was not going to cry, he decided. He already cried so much. «He forced me to kiss him while he touched me, then he made me spread my legs, and...» His voice trailed off. He couldn’t say it. «Do you know why I’m telling this to you?»

Behind the curtains, Chanyeol shook his head no. He was trembling slightly, maybe because he was cold in spite of the steam filling the small bathroom.

«I can understand it, Chanyeol» Baekhyun softly explained, «the scare, the pain, the helplessness. The fear of being killed. I’ve felt it on my skin. As well as the aftermath... spotting a man eyeing me at the mall, sometimes, still gives me the creeps and makes me freeze in fear, even if I’m not alone and I know nobody can harm me. I never felt completely safe. I always feel as if I have to hide myself, the real me, because the most horrible part of me, the one that got corrupted by those men’s dirty hands, might show. I always feel inadequate...»

Baekhyun thought he heard a sigh, but it might have been just his imagination. Chanyeol switched the water on again, shuddering.

«I’ve been an ass to you» he went on, determined, «but just because I wanted to grab your attention. I’m not an idiot, I know I crossed a line and that I overdid. But please, believe me: I did it just because it was so...» he struggled for the right adjective, «so _terrifying_ , looking at you while you slowly fell apart. I don’t want to lose you.»

His throat was tight again, while he paused, trying desperately not to cry. «Chanyeol, please, I want to help you. Tell me what’s wrong.»

Behind the curtain, the water stopped running again, but nobody spoke. Baekhyun spotted Chanyeol’s head bend down a little, but nothing else.

«Chanyeol, please. I need you by my side.»

Silence.

Baekhyun was done. He stood up, wiping his eyes angrily. «Fine, keep silent. As if it would solve anything.»

He stormed out of the bathroom, furious. He considered looking for Sehun, but he knew that Luhan would be in the room, and he didn’t want anyone else to see him in that state of distress. Running to his dads would be useless as well, since most of the boys could be reunited in the common room waiting for dinner.

He just sat on his bed, hugging his pillow and crying bitterly.

After a while, he felt someone sit on the bed, a little apart from him. He knew it was Chanyeol, but he didn’t want to face him. He hid his face into the pillow, sniffing. «Go away» he said.

Chanyeol didn’t reply, but he didn’t move as well. Even if they weren’t touching, Baekhyun could feel his body radiate a delicious warmth, along with a pleasant scent. It would have been so heavenly, if the tall boy just bent down to wrap him into a comforting embrace.

«Why are you trying this hard with me?» Chanyeol murmured. «I’m not worth it.»

Baekhyun straightened up, looking at him angrily. «Ah, no. Don’t play the victim, now. I’m not going to buy it.»

Chanyeol looked at him sternly. He was still clad in his old bathrobe, which was too short for him and let show a good part of his long legs and arms. His hair were wet and dripping, and small droplets of water were running down his neck, aiming towards his chest. Baekhyun suddenly felt the fierce need to lick it away, running his tongue over that smooth skin.

Noticing his expression, Chanyeol’s scowl softened. He reached out for him, hesitatingly, as if he was scared Baekhyun could bite his hand, and he touched the crying boy’s locks, gently. His hands were big and somehow ungraceful, but Baekhyun loved them. He loved everything about him.

He leaned into the touch, letting out a soft sound.

«I don’t want to lose you either» Chanyeol shakily said. «You’re... you’re so precious, to me. But lately, I began to wonder.  Is it okay for me, to cling on you, when I can’t give you anything in return? I can’t stand to touch, Baekhyun, I’m not kidding. I can’t do the things a normal boyfriend would. When I saw that guy kiss you, I felt I had to let you go. For you, do you understand? For your wellbeing.»

Baekhyun knew he wasn’t lying. He hand he placed on top of his head was shaking hard. Chanyeol was making a great effort, staying so close to him.

«As if I could give up on you for such a foolish reason» he grumbled.

«I’m serious, Baekhyun. I really can’t do it. I tried, and my heart aches, but I really...»

Baekhyun had enough. He reached out and swung his arms around Chanyeol’s waist, holding him the tightest he could. He pulled with all his strength, while the boy struggled in his grip.

«What are you doing!» he cried out. «Let me go.»

«I fucking won’t do anything like that!»

Chanyeol’s breathing rate started to speed up. «Please, Baekhyun. I feel suffocating. Let me go...»

«No» Baekhyun said, burying his face in the wet material of the bathrobe. «I won’t. Not when you’re so lonely and hurt. I want to hold you. Holding somebody is a caring gesture, and I want to do it to you. Being held feels good.»

Chanyeol wasn’t obviously feeling good, though. «Please» he begged, «please, I can’t. I can’t...»

«I’ll never hurt you, Chanyeol» Baekhyun said, curling his hands in the soft material. He could feel Chanyeol’s heart beat frantically against his cheek. «Never, I swear. I just want to...» his voice broke. _I want to kiss. To go around holding hands. To writhe under you in our bed, while we make love_.  «I want you. With me. Just as simple as it sounds. The real you.»

Chanyeol stopped trashing, but was still panting. «You don’t know what you’re saying» he whispered. «I’m too complicated, I’ll only make you suffer. You’re going to regret it.»

«Never. I’ll never regret it. I’ve loved you since forever, and I’m more determined than ever. I won’t change my mind.»

Chanyeol finally started sobbing, letting out all his frustration. Slowly, since he wasn’t trying to escape anymore, Baekhyun got closer, sitting next to him to hug him properly. Chanyeol didn’t fight him, crying his eyes out. «I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I know you mean no harm, but I always get so scared, when someone comes close to me like this.»

The tension was starting to leave his body, and Baekhyun held him a little looser, now, more comfortably. He waited for the crisis to subside, then he leaned his head over Chanyeol’s shoulder. «I love you» he murmured. «I love you so much.»

Chanyeol didn’t reply, looking drained. «I love you too... you know I do.»

Baekhyun closed his eyes, while Chanyeol, hesitatingly, slowly locked his arm around his tiny waist. They never hugged like that, before. It felt so...

«Can we stay like this forever?» he murmured. «Please. It’s nice.»

Chanyeol took a deep breath. «I must admit that now it feels much better. Sorry if I freaked out, before.»

«It’s alright. At least you let it out a little.»

«Yeah.»

They stayed like that for a while, until Baekhyun moved a little and noticed that Chanyeol’s hands were icy. «You need to change, or you’ll get sick for real.»

He moved, letting the other rise from the bed, then he turned to face the wall to respect his nudity. He still felt dizzy for all the crying and the strong emotions, but he felt kind of triumphant as well. He never got this close to Chanyeol before... and it felt like they achieved something, finally.

«You can watch, now.»

Baekhyun smiled. Chanyeol was clad in the pants and hoodie he chose for him before. His big feet were still bare, though. «I think you forgot the socks.»

Baekhyun chuckled. «I’m sorry.»

Chanyeol looked at him, and his heart skipped a beat. «Thank you, Baekhyun» the tall boy murmured, «for being so patient with me.»

«Oh, you’re kind of a fast learner. Today’s lesson was about hugs, and you understood pretty well that hugs are nice, I think. Next lesson will be kisses.»

Chanyeol smiled a little nervously. «Sounds... sounds interesting. But can you promise to me that you’ll take it slow?»

Baekhyun let himself fall on the bed again, smiling. «Yes, love. I promise.»

The affectionate word made Chanyeol’s ears turn a little red. «Would you like me to bring you some dinner, later?»

«No, I think I’ll get downstairs with everyone.»

Chanyeol went to blow-dry his hair, while Baekhyun finally relaxed on the bed, feeling really exhausted. He didn’t feel much hungry, honestly, all he could think in that moment was to doze off a little. He was drifting right into slumber, when he realized that Chanyeol was back in the room, and that he was talking.

«...I think you need to know what made me so upset» he heard him say.

He immediately rose from the bed, sitting again and blinking to force his eyes to open. «What? What is it?»

Chanyeol looked at him, sitting crossed-leggedly in his own bed. «You know I regularly talk to my mom on the phone» he began. «Well, the last time I called her she told me that the mother of the guy that kidnapped me wants to see me.»

«What?!»

«Yeah. Apparently she contacted my family, saying that she still feels very sorry for her son’s crime, and that she’d like to meet me to apologize in person. I said no, and my mom kind of insisted, saying that she looked like a nice elderly lady, and that she looked very sweet. But you know, Baekhyun, meeting her would mean travelling back to my hometown, seeing the places where I suffered the most, and being face-to-face with someone who, even if indirectly, caused me a lot of pain.» Chanyeol paused, massaging his forehead. «I felt so lost. I have nothing against this woman... but I really don’t want to meet her. My mom keeps insisting, though, and your father as well. In his opinion, this could help me, you see, setting free from the remnants of my burden. Kind of like a catharsis, I think.»

Baekhyun nodded. «If daddy said it, it might be true.»

«But Baekhyun» Chanyeol murmured, «it will be so awkward, meeting that lady. And weird. And painful. I don’t want to go.»

«But what if it might be just as my dad said, and it will be therapeutic for you. I think you should go.»

«I’d be alone in front of her, Baek. The mere thought is so frightening I can’t even...»

«What if I’ll come with you?»

Chanyeol turned to look at him. «What did you say?»

«What if I’ll come along with you» Baekhyun repeated, gently. «So you won’t be alone.»

Chanyeol blinked, and for a maddening second Baekhyun was scared he could reject his idea, but then the boy looked at him intensely. «Would you really do it? For me?»

«Yes» Baekhyun replied, softly.

Slowly, Chanyeol stood up, approaching him and sitting on the bed. And before Baekhyun could realize what the hell was happening, he had wrapped his arms around him, enveloping him in a warm hug.

«Lesson one, hugs: cleared» Baekhyun weakly joked, but he was so happy he could have cried.

Chanyeol chuckled, before resting his forehead on Baekhyun’s shoulder and sighing deeply.


	3. Upgrades

They spent a peaceful dinner with the other boys, then they watched all together (except Luhan, who was studying hard for his admission test) a popular TV drama they were all fond of. Baekhyun sat next to Chanyeol on the floor, and he was pleasantly surprised to feel the other boy grab his hand at a certain moment, holding it until the end of the episode. He wasn’t going to deceive himself: he knew they still had a long way to go, before their relationship could progress for real, but at least now he had the confirmation that  Chanyeol wasn’t pushing him away, and this was all that mattered, for the moment. Still, it bothered him seeing Kyungsoo comfortably sitting in Kai’s lap for the duration of the movie, or Yixing making out quietly with Joonmyeon in the semi-darkness. Why couldn’t he have it? Not that love was all about being physical with each other, but well, this was an undoubtedly important part of it.

And when he told Sehun, later before going to bed, his friend was cautious. «I’m happy you made up, really. But Baekhyun, aren’t you going a little too fast?»

«What? I won’t assault Chanyeol like a beast in heat, thank you very much.»

«This is not about him, Baek. What about you? Are you ready to go physical? Because... uh... it’s not like you had it easy in the past too. He might be the one who’s scared of contact, but what about you? Are you okay with that?»

Now that he thought about it, Baekhyun had no idea. He never had a boyfriend after... well, after _that kind of encounters_ ceased to happen in his life, and he never was in a relationship either. He flirted a lot, this was for sure, but he never got serious with anyone.

Noticing his sudden uneasiness, Sehun put an arm around his shoulders. «Don’t fret over this kind of things. I was terribly worried too, with Luhan, but it just happened in a very natural way, none of us had to push the other around. Just go with the flow and don’t be in a hurry, okay?» Baekhyun stared at his friend, while Sehun went upstairs. He really matured a lot, in the last few months. He was so different from the nonchalant and grumpy boy who came to the foster home. Was it Luhan’s love, that turned him into an actually perfect boyfriend? Baekhyun had no idea.

He went to kiss his dads goodnight, then he took to his bedroom. Chanyeol was already in the bathroom, and Baekhyun took his sweet time choosing his outfit for the following day. Meanwhile, he kept thinking.

No, he wasn’t scared of contact like Chanyeol. He liked hugging, and he absolutely loved cuddling. Kissing was okay, he guessed, even if he hadn’t really been kissing that much after coming to the foster home, except on cheeks and just in a handful of occasions. He recalled what having a wet, disgusting mouth on his skin felt like, and he shivered.

He hadn’t liked it, then. And he liked even less what generally came after that kind of foreplay.

He remembered that the act in itself was painful and kind of violent, but somehow his mind refused to provide any clear detail. Maybe it was a self-protection instinct which took over his memory, but whatever.

The thing was that, for some still unclear reason, he wished to do something he loathed before. And he wished to do it with Chanyeol, of all people.

He tried to picture a naked Chanyeol in front of him, and the mere thought made him blush furiously.

«Bathroom’s ready, if you want to shower» Chanyeol announced, appearing in the room wearing just his pyjama pants, a towel hanging from his neck. His naked torso was slender, toned, a real work of art.

«Fine» Baekhyun muttered, grabbing his towel and slippers and running into the small bathroom. He quickly turned on the water, stepping right under the cold stream, without waiting for it to get warmer.

He had an hard-on. «Fuck» he cursed. It didn’t look the kind that could have disappeared on its own without a little help.

He grabbed himself, stroking his cock quickly. Pleasure ranked up his spine, making him dizzy. He very rarely masturbated, since he didn’t really see the point of it, and also because the foster home didn’t offer much privacy and he was scared of being caught. But it never felt like that.

People had sex because they were in love. And sex was a nice thing... at least when it wasn’t used to hurt anyone.

He came fast and hard, whining softly under the streaming water. He braced against the tiles, panting, trying not to fall. When he came back to his senses, he slowly took in the fact that the water turned cold, and that his body was still singing along with the remnants of his climax. He just wished he wasn’t alone.

He touched his lips, tracing the bottom of his mouth with his finger. He wondered what could ever feel, kissing Chanyeol and being reciprocated, while being held in those strong arm of his.

His heart began to beat so fast he was afraid of feeling sick.

When he got out of the bathroom, clad in his oversized bathrobe, he noticed that Chanyeol already turned his back, sitting at his desk with his computer on. Judging from what he saw on the screen, he was messing with some of his music again.

For a crazy second, he considered jumping at him from behind, but he didn’t do it. «Go to bed, it’s late» he said instead. «You’ll get a headache, tomorrow.»

«Okay» Chanyeol mumbled, flipping he laptop closed. Baekhyun sat on the bed, then, protected by the ample robe, he discreetly wore his underwear and pants, then he hung it at the bathroom’s door to dry out and he put on his shirt. Chanyeol and him always did this kind of acrobatics to get dressed every day, since none of them wanted to pry at the other’s naked body. This time, though, it felt a little different. When Baekhyun turned, he saw the tall boy staring at him from his desk chair.

He froze, staring back. Memories of his solitary pleasure assaulted him, making his cheek burn, but he didn’t avert his gaze.

It was weird. It was as if his doings of the night before unlocked something between them, opening a door that had always been sealed.

After a while, Chanyeol cleared his throat. «I think I need a review of today’s lesson» he murmured, rather sheepishly. «You know... about hugs.»

Baekhyun took a deep breath. «What kind of review?»

Slowly, Chanyeol rose from his chair and walked towards him, then he sat on Baekhyun’s bed. The shorted boy stared at him, at his nice face, plump lips and long lashes. «I don’t know really» Chanyeol softly murmured, «it’s just that I suddenly can’t stand the thought of being apart from you.»

Baekhyun gently made his arms slid around the boy’s middle, pulling him towards himself. He felt the same... but his throat was too tight to say it aloud.

He felt Chanyeol’s arms wrap him loosely, and he sighed. He liked it so much, when they were close like that.

«It feels good» the tall boy whispered, touching his chin to the top of Baekhyun’s head, making him shiver.

«It does.»

«Can we... sleep like this, tonight?»

Baekhyun was surprised. «What?»

«Hugging. Can we sleep like this?»

Baekhyun parted from him just enough to take his face between his hands. Chanyeol’s eyes were full of tears.

«Chanyeol» he murmured, wiping his cheeks with his thumbs. «Baby, don’t.»

«I’m so happy you’ll come along with me on my trip home. You have no idea how much. I was... I was so dead scared to go there all by myself...»

Baekhyun hugged him the tightest he was capable of. It hurt, seeing him so upset, and now that he was thinking clearer, he also felt a little bad for forcing him previously. He was being greedy, and he didn’t want to be unpleasant to him.

He gently pushed Chanyeol’s head to rest on his shoulder. It was a position he loved, since he made him feel engulfed in a cocoon of warmth and care. He hoped it could be the same for him.

«I could never leave you alone in a moment like that» he murmured, brushing his cheek over Chanyeol’s soft hair. He smelled so good, his scent was so nice. He felt choking, and he knew he was participating in his misery. «I wish... I wish I could really do something to ease your suffering. It’s heart-wrenching, seeing you so in pain.»  

«You are doing a lot» Chanyeol’s voice came muffled against his shirt, «much more than you think. I could never get the resolution to go there with my own willpower only. If I gathered the courage to purchase the bus tickets and stuff, I think it’s just because of you.»

«Me?» Baekhyun wondered. «But I’ve done nothing...» _Beside almost cheating on you, being an asshole and lusting for you at the most inappropriate times_.

«I want to do this for me, sure, but for you too... for us, actually. I can’t stand it anymore, Baekhyun. I want our relationship to become real.»

Baekhyun swallowed, tightening his hand on Chanyeol’s nape. «What kind of real exactly?»

Chanyeol slowly parted from him, and Baekhyun suddenly jerked back, because they were _too close_. He actually could feel Chanyeol’s breath on his face.

The instinct of pulling away hit him like a hammer. He had been blaming it on Chanyeol... but he wasn’t ready for anything like this either.

He closed his eyes, quivering. Chanyeol’s lips hovered over his face, his warm breath wetting his skin. It felt erotic, but also strangely scary.

«Correct me if I’m wrong» Chanyeol murmured, «but I think we both need a valuable proof that our love is different from all the bad things we suffered in the past.»

Baekhyun shivered. From another person, those words could have sounded creepy. But from Chanyeol, knowing him, knowing what he really meant saying that, well, it was different.

«If you want me to stop» the tall boy whispered, sending pleasant vibrations all over Chanyeol’s body, «you should tell me now.»

Baekhyun finally opened his eyes. Chanyeol’s breath was laboured, and his expression full of concern. _He cares about me_ , he thought, and for some reason that made everything better. _He’ll never hurt me_.

«This should be my line» he admitted, a little sheepishly. «Do you promise you won’t do anything you don’t want to, just to please me?»

Chanyeol’s voice came out husky and dark, and Baekhyun’s insides twisted at its sound. «Yes, I do.»

He lifted his hands, cupping the sides of Chanyeol’s face. His cheeks were burning, and his face was deliciously red.

When their lips cautiously brushed, he felt melting. The sensation itself was wondrous.

 _My first kiss_ , Baekhyun thought, drowsily, and that was the last coherent thought he managed to pull, because Chanyeol’s mouth moved into the corner of his lip, caressing his upper one gently. Baekhyun shivered again, his hand tightening on Chanyeol’s old tee. They were barely touching, but he could feel his own body stir down there, just like before, in the shower. He was getting engorged just out of sheer excitement.

Chanyeol dragged his lips over the lower half of Baekhyun’s face, following his jaw line, then he softly nipped at the smooth skin below the ear. Baekhyun sighed and squirmed a little, but not because he was uncomfortable, and Chanyeol kind of felt it, because he didn’t move an inch, continuing with his gentle ministrations. He was so considerate, so _princely_ , while taking care of him in that way. When he nibbled at his earlobe, Baekhyun gasped, his mouth falling open.

«Oh...»

Chanyeol faced him again to check if he was alright, and this time Baekhyun took his head between his hands and crashed his mouth to the tall boy’s one. Their lips met, not only brushing, this time, but moving, tasting, tugging. He was afraid Chanyeol could get shy and pull away, but the boy tightened his arms around his middle, actually pulling him closer.

Baekhyun found himself pressed flush against his strong chest, and boy, it felt so hot.

«Chanyeol» he panted, but the other claimed his lips again, effectively shutting him. Baekhyun keened into his mouth, lost in a sensory overload.

He threw his head back when Chanyeol’s wet lips traced the soft line of his chin, dragging down to his throat and bobbing Adam’s apple. He was close to orgasm, and he didn’t even touch himself once.

«I love you» Chanyeol whispered against his fontanel, and then he placed an open-mouthed kiss at the base of his neck, sucking on the exposed skin.

With a strangled cry, Baekhyun came, shuddering violently.

\---oOo---

«Shall  I bring this with me? Or this?»

Baekhyun, who was sprawled on the bed eating chocolate, smirked at Chanyeol. «The first one suits you better. It emphasizes your broad shoulders.»

Chanyeol smiled back at him. «Okay then.» Baekhyun stared at him while he folded the sweatshirt he chose, putting it inside of an old travel bag. He had been so ashamed of himself, before, when he orgasmed right into Chanyeol’s arms, but the other didn’t say anything about it. He realized, of course, since he was panting so hard he could have had a heart attack, but instead of telling him to get a hold of himself and go cleaning, he did nothing but holding him until the last shivers subsided. And then, when Baekhyun was still sitting on the bed, feeling terribly self-conscious, he just ventured outside, in the middle of the night, to get something tasty at the vending machine to eat together. For a while, they just slumped together on the bed, eating the chocolate and talking to each other, until Baekhyun finally gathered the courage to get into the bathroom for the quickest shower of his life. He really didn’t want to waste any unnecessary time away from Chanyeol, now.

Then, since none of them was feeling sleepy and it was still the dead of the night, they randomly began to sort Chanyeol’s clothes to pack for his trip home. Baekhyun made a mental note to bring the other to do some shopping, sooner or later, because his clothes looked all rather worn-out, and his closet was basically made of baggy pants and huge sweatshirts.

«I’m here eating chocolate with my boyfriend in the middle of the night» Baekhyun giggled, unable to stop himself. «This is such an upgrade, isn’t it?»

Chanyeol smiled. If he had to strain himself, during their heated making out session, it didn’t show. Actually, he looked good, now. Relaxed, and sort of at peace with himself, so much that Baekhyun found himself praying, even if he didn’t realize fully at first.

 _Please, God, let him be safe during his trip home. He needs to be set free from his burden, so he can be happy. Possibly with me_ , he added, slumping back against the pillow.

«Feeling sleepy?» Chanyeol asked.

«A little.»

«Still up for sleeping together? I mean--» he blushed because of the double meaning, but he wasn’t being malicious. He actually meant what he said.

Baekhyun quickly cleaned the remnants of their snacks from the comforter, then he slipped under the covers. «Come here, you goofball.»

Chanyeol quickly padded on the floor, jumping on the bed playfully.  «Ow! I’m kicking you away!» Baekhyun protested, but having Chanyeol laughing next to him felt so good he could never, never do anything like that.

Carefully, he scooted to one side, while Chanyeol settled in under the covers. He was so tall he couldn’t lay completely straight, and he had to curl up a little.

«How are you feeling?» Baekhyun asked.

«Good. You are warm and soft. I wonder why we didn’t do this before.»

Baekhyun chuckled. «I mean...» he cleared his throat. «I felt pleasure, before, but you didn’t. Are you okay with that?»

Chanyeol tightened his arms around  Baekhyun’s waist, pulling him towards him. «For the moment being, yes, I think. But I must admit that your face looked... interesting, while you were writhing in my arms.»

«I’ll sleep in my dads’ room» Baekhyun threatened, but Chanyeol firmly held him in place.

«I’m doing my best, baby» he said, in a very calm voice. «Please, stick with me.»

Baekhyun held him tightly. «I’m not going anywhere.»

They fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning.

\---oOo---

The day they left, the sky was dark and the weather was very cold. «Just make sure you guys will always wear your hat and scarf» Xiumin recommended, fretting over Baekhyun’s bag, since the boy paid extra attention to Chanyeol’s but kinda forgot about his own. «They said it’s going to snow.»

«And if the bus gets struck because of the snow, call me at any time, day or night doesn’t matter, okay? I’ll come to pick you up...»

«Dad, it doesn’t make sense. If a bus is struck because of the snow, how could you come to get us? By plane?»

Chen scratched the back of his head. «Whatever. You got what I mean.»

When he was done checking Baekhyun’s bag (and adding random items inside like band-aids, energy bars and hand warmers), Xiumin started packing lunch for two. «Make sure to eat something before arriving there. I think Chanyeol’s family will invite you to stay for dinner, so please be polite and don’t be picky with the food.»

«Daddy» Baekhyun protested, «it’s not like I’m a toddler, remember?»

«Okay, okay» the man said, filling the lunchbox with freshly cooked rice topped with Baekhyun’s favourite seasoned beef. «Just please be careful.»

«Yeah» Chen agreed. «Take care of yourself. And please, take some extra care of Chanyeol as well.»

«If you get the feeling the whole thing is getting too overwhelming for him, please just come back home.»

Baekhyun nodded, perfectly knowing what Xiumin meant. He got the exact feeling that night, when he couldn’t sleep at the thought of the imminent leave. Was it really going to be alright, for him? He was rather upset at the thought of a possible failure. What if Chanyeol ended up more scarred than what he already was?

«I’m ready» Chanyeol announced, appearing in the kitchen. He was wearing a big fluffy coat and a knitted hat which looked handmade. He did his best to smile, but Baekhyun knew better.

They spent the night before hugging into his bed as they did lately, but they really couldn’t sleep, so they ended up talking, and Chanyeol revealed to him that he was feeling terribly nervous, at the thought of meeting the mother of his kidnapper. Baekhyun did his best to tranquilize him, but he didn’t succeed. Chanyeol’s body was still in his arms, and he couldn’t relax to have a little rest.

Xiumin and Chen hugged them both, wishing them a safe trip. Baekhyun kissed his dads and briefly ventured upstairs to slip a short message under Sehun’s door (“wish us luck and keep your fingers crossed for us, Sehun-ah! Fighting!”), trying not to wake anyone up since it was still early, then Chanyeol and him ventured outside to get to the bus stop.

«Fuck, it’s cold» Chanyeol complained, hiding his nose inside his wool scarf. «I think it will be even colder at my hometown, since it’s in the suburbs—watch out!»

He caught Baekhyun’s arm just in time to prevent him from sliding on the icy sidewalk.

«I think it’s better if I hold your hand.»

Baekhyun was alright with that, but was too cold to agree properly. He could even feel his teeth clatter uncontrollably. At the end, they spotted a few people getting on a bus a hundred meters away.

«Fuck, the bus’ already there... we have to run!»

Half running, half sliding, they managed to get inside, and Baekhyun finally felt better, when he felt some warmth spreading in his hands. Naturally, he forgot his gloves at home.

«Are you skipping school, kids?» an elderly man sitting a few rows forward asked them, looking suspicious. «What is it, a love escape?»

«Uh, no» Baekhyun explained, «we’re going to visit his family.»

«You young people’d better be careful» the old man warned them. «The weather’s forecasts aren’t good at all. If you’re running away from home, you’d better come back immediately.»

Suddenly, Baekhyun felt very, very uncomfortable. «Chanyeol, I think we still have time to reconsider this whole thing. I’m afraid you’ll just end up hurt and miserable. Please, let’s get back home...»

But the bus was already slowly moving down the road, and the door closed with a loud noise, cutting Baekhyun’s words away.

«I think» Chanyeol slowly said, «that we don’t really have any choice, now.»


	4. Snow

The bus proceeded slowly on the icy roads, slowing down even more when the other cars formed a long queue. Baekhyun slept for most of the travel, asleep against Chanyeol’s shoulder, and when he woke up after a while he noticed that his boyfriend was asleep as well, and that he was still holding his hand as he did when they left. He stretched a little, moving his cramped legs, and when he looked out of the window he saw that the landscape was all covered in white. Chanyeol was right, apparently in the suburbs it was much colder than in the centre.

After a couple hours, the bus stopped in what looked like the exact middle of nowhere. Baekhyun woke Chanyeol up, then they retrieved their bags and they got down, shivering in the cool air. It was really cold, and everything was covered in a thick layer of snow.

«I’ll call my mom to come and pick us up» Chanyeol announced, taking off his gloves to dial the number on his phone. Baekhyun looked around, puzzled. He never went to a place like that. It looked more like a peaceful and kind of old-style countryside, than the outskirts of a big town. The houses he could see were cute cottages, each one with its little garden or even with a small field behind. He could see vegetable gardens with cabbage rows all covered in snow, and a narrow road which proceeded towards the mountains glistening from afar. It was a truly beautiful scenery.

«I didn’t know you came from a nice place like this» he said, and Chanyeol said nothing, his eyes distant. Baekhyun took his hand, holding it tightly, and stayed by his side until a black SUV stopped in front of them.

«Hello mom» Chanyeol greeted the woman that opened the door for them, pecking her quickly on her cheek. She didn’t look like him that much, but she was kind enough to help Baekhyun stuff his heavy bag in the trunk.

Chanyeol sat in the back of the car with Baekhyun, and he talked casually with his mother, who was driving, until they reached their home. It was a nice big house with a big yard in the front, and a dog came barking towards Baekhyun when he got out of the car.

«Hello, cutie» he said, letting the dog smell him before stroking his head. Chanyeol’s father and older sister all came to greet them. Baekhyun shook their hands and introduced himself, noticing that Chanyeol was looking stiffer and less talkative than usual. They settled in Chanyeol’s old bedroom, where someone stuffed another cot for Baekhyun, then they got ready for dinner. Chanyeol’s mom prepared a hot stew which tasted absolutely delicious, and after a little initial awkwardness, Baekhyun seduced the whole family being his usual adorable self.

«They already love you» Chanyeol informed him that night, when they were getting ready for bed. «I could see it from the way they kept asking you questions and laughing at your jokes.»

«Did I overdo?» Baekhyun was worried. «I don’t know. I liked them. Your sister in particular... she’s such a nice noona. Very elegant and classy.»

Chanyeol snorted. «She used to kick me a lot when I was a kid, and especially in naughty places.»

«That’s typical of girls. I got bullied a lot from little girls when I was in elementary school.»

«Cruel little things, aren’t they?»

Baekhyun came near him, looking at his face and trying to read his expression. «Chanyeol» he murmured, «please, don’t be like this. True, we’ve come here to settle things, but I don’t want you to feel this pressured. I could call my dad at any time, and everything would be over in a flash.»

Chanyeol sniffed. «No. I told you, I need to do it. For me. For us.» He sighed. «I want this to end.»

Baekhyun hugged him from behind. «Did I already tell you that you’re my hero?»

The other stifled a laugh, holding Baekhyun’s small hands in his big ones. «Yeah, a hero who’s dying of fear at the thought of meeting a harmless old lady.»

«Who cares. You’re _my_ hero.» Baekhyun moved to face him properly, and he reached out to cup his face between his hands. «And I don’t give a fuck about what people think.»

Chanyeol smiled before leaning in to kiss him on his lips.

«I think you’ve mastered lesson two as well» Baekhyun concluded, when they parted a little later, both out of breath. «Actually, you already proved it when you made me come in my pants with just a couple kisses.»

Chanyeol mischievously nipped at his jaw. «Do you think I’m ready for lesson three, then?»

«Actually, I wonder if I’m as ready as you.»

The boy looked at him intensely. «What do you mean?»

Baekhyun licked his lips. «I mean» he confessed, «that I’m not sure if I’m ready to have sex with you.»

Chanyeol leaned over to touch the tip of his nose to Baekhyun’s. «Baby» he soothed him, «it’s fine. A couple days ago we couldn’t even touch each other. There’s no need to rush.»

«It’s just...» Baekhyun felt a sudden rush of emotions wrecking him. «I’m sorry, I didn’t want to cry. I just wanted... I just wanted to be supportive of you, really, and I just wanted to show you that our love is different from all the shit we endured... we endured _both_...» He started sobbing. He didn’t realize his feelings were so complex, when he agreed to leave with Chanyeol to meet the mother of his rapist. He knew what being forced to do something extremely difficult and unpleasant meant, and he felt as if he unconsciously pushed Chanyeol into that crazy thing. Almost.. almost as if he abused him. And it made him feel terrible. «I don’t know. I think I went overboard, being so pushy with you while I’m still a mess like this. I was selfish.»

Chanyeol held him tight. «It’s okay.»

«No, it’s not okay. I want to be with you... I want you, in every possible form. Your body, your mind, I love everything of you. But... but...»

Chanyeol felt Baekhyun’s cheek, noticing it was cold. «You’re freezing. Let’s get under the covers, so we can talk comfortably.»

Baekhyun let Chanyeol guide him into his big, fluffy bed. The comforter was a nice handmade patchwork, and it was very warm. Being in his boyfriend’s arms surrounded by softness and warmth made him feel instantly better. «Are you better now?» Chanyeol asked, when he saw him close his eyes looking at peace.

«Yeah» Baekhyun replied, «better. Thank you.»

«My mom called that lady» Chanyeol informed him, «she’ll wait for me at four p.m., at her house.»

«I’ll be there with you.»

«No» Chanyeol corrected him gently, «I’d like going there by myself, if you don’t mind. You can accompany me, of course... but I’d like to meet her by myself.»

Impressed, Baekhyun nodded. Chanyeol was trying really hard. He reached out to caress the side of his face. «Okay, baby.»

«And don’t worry about the sex» the other reassured him, stroking his hair away from his face. «I think we just need to go with the flow, now, without worrying too much about what we should or should not do. Xiumin says this kind of things don’t need to be programmed in advance, so...»

«Chanyeol» Baekhyun glared at him, «are you really bringing my dad in a discussion about sex?»

They had a good laugh over the whole thing, then they comfortably spooned to sleep. Chanyeol’s bigger frame was curled up from behind against Baekhyun, who felt good, nestled against him like that.

He found the courage to speak much later, when Chanyeol’s breath became slow and peaceful. «I never had any pleasure, when I met those men, in the past. Never. They weren’t all violent, and they weren’t all nice. I think most of them were just as scared as me, or felt guilty, but it doesn’t matter now. I hated every second of it, because it was dirty, painful and disgusting. Just once... once a man came to meet me. He was nicely dressed and his hair and skin looked perfect, I think he was an idol or something like that. He talked a lot with me before... before the actual thing. We chatted, actually, and I sensed something was different from the other times. He was actually being gentle to me, and I kind of liked him in return. We kissed, and it felt nice, since he was handsome and considerate. This was the only time I willingly conceded my body to anyone, and it felt good. Then he left, and I never saw him again. My mom didn’t combine any encounter for a long time, after that, because he paid three times what the other clients did. I think he did it to let me have some peace.» He swallowed, burying his face in the pillow, already drenched in tears. «I never told this to anyone» he whispered, «not even to my dads or to Sehun. Actually, I’ve waited a lot for that kind man to return and save me, but he never came, and that destroyed my teenage dreams about love. This is why I lost respect for myself, messing with female clothing and makeup. If I really was a whore, I had to look like one, or at least this is what I thought. And this is why I thought shit about love, before meeting you.»

He sighed. «You were funny and made me laugh a lot. You were cute, more than handsome, with your big ears and enormous feet. You were adorably shy and generous, and also very considerate of your friends. I don’t know exactly when I started having feelings for you... but when I finally realized, I felt so relieved I cried myself to sleep. I thought I lost my capability to feel real love, that the hate I felt towards my tainted body and soul was preventing me from having genuine feelings for another human being. The foster home, though, healed me, and you healed my heart.»

Tears kept falling, but he was straining to hold in his sobs, because he didn’t want Chanyeol to wake up. «I love you so, so much» he murmured. «But I’m afraid my personal monsters will never stop haunting me. I wish... I wish I could make them disappear.»

He believed Chanyeol’s embrace tightened a little around himself, but he couldn’t be sure. After voicing out the mess that was in his heart, though, he felt undoubtedly lighter. He gently pulled Chanyeol’s arm around his middle, adhering to him the best he could, then he closed his eyes, drained.

Chanyeol, though, fell asleep much later.

\---oOo---

They woke up late, since nobody came to call them and they forgot to set an alarm. Baekhyun was worried, since he technically was a guest in that house and he didn’t want to be impolite coming late for breakfast, but Chanyeol said it was alright, because his family didn’t really have the habit to gather around the table to eat together, since his father left very early to go to work and his mother usually didn’t wake up before eight o’clock. Baekhyun looked at him anxiously while he combed his hair, and he thought he looked normal... too normal, actually, as if he was cautiously hiding his fear under a calm and collected facade. He was about to ask if he was alright, but then Chanyeol spoke.

«It snowed a lot, last night» he said, looking out of the window. «What about taking the dog and going to have some fun together?»

Baekhyun looked at him, the corner of his lips slightly upturned. «Is this what you country people do in your free time?»

«Yup» Chanyeol agreed, «but only when there’s no interesting stuff on TV to watch.»

Baekhyun laughed, and he was actually surprised when Chanyeol quickly walked towards him and pulled him in a hug. «No need to paint your face, today» he said, «you’re beautiful just the way you are.»

The boy’s heart began beating at a crazy rhythm. «Really?» was all he managed to say, in a very small voice.

«Really» Chanyeol confirmed, placing the gentlest kiss on his forehead.

«Okay, then» Baekhyun murmured, before adding, «thank you.»

Chanyeol smiled. «I’m so going to smear snow all over your face.»

Baekhyun pulled away violently. «As if I’ll let you.»

«I run faster than you. My legs are longer.»

«Yeah but I can hide. I’m smaller.»

They went into the kitchen looking for some food, and there they found Chanyeol’s sister, who was still wearing her pyjamas and looked half-asleep. «How dare you two little ones look like a couple of idols, this early in the morning?» she scoffed, munching on a toast. «It’s unfair.»

Baekhyun blushed, while Chanyeol laughed aloud. They quickly ate a couple slices of toasted bread topping it with jam and butter, then gulped down some hot coffee. The weather was cold, when they stepped out of the house, Baekhyun wearing a pair of gloves borrowed from Chanyeol’s sister, and the sun was shining so brightly over all that snow that they wished they had brought sunglasses.

Chanyeol whistled for the dog to follow them, and the faithful animal let him attach the leash at his collar. Baekhyun walked along with them, sinking into the soft snow almost until it reached his knee. It felt so nice, going around with the sole purpose of having fun and do some silly things. It made him feel as if he wasn’t an old man in an adolescent’s body, but a real teen with real dreams and a real innocent heart.

When they reached a small slope, Chanyeol let the dog run freely, then he threw a stick for him to fetch. Baekhyun tried too, and he laughed when the dog brought it back, letting it fall at his feet hoping the game wouldn’t end so quickly. They threw snowballs at each other, discovering they both had poor aiming skills, then they just wrestled into the fresh snow, trying to sneak some under each other’s coats. Baekhyun shrieked when Chanyeol lost his balance and fell heavily on top of him, pinning him on the ground with his body, the dog happily jumping and barking around them. He threw his arms around the taller boy’s neck, accepting his help to get on his feet again, and soon they were making out in the snow, their kisses getting more and more heated as their bodies warmed up.

They came back to reality when the dog started barking like crazy, running after a silver-furred hare who found shelter in a hole. They went to retrieve him while he whined, rasping helplessly at the opening of the rabbit’s den.

«Let that small thing be» Chanyeol scolded him, before attaching the leash again. «Shall we get back home? I think we both need a hot bath.»

«Yeah» Baekhyun thought, feeling sweaty under the many layers of clothing he was wearing. He took Chanyeol’s hand, walking next to him on their way home.

When they entered the house, they found it empty. Someone – presumably Chanyeol’s sister – left a pot full of rice porridge on the stove for them to eat.

«My parents are at work, and noona probably went to see her boyfriend» Chanyeol explained, before blushing furiously and averting his gaze from Baekhyun.

«Oh» the shorter boy murmured. «Well, it’s not a bad thing, I think?»

«Still up for that bath?»

Baekhyun closed his eyes, warmth spread all over his cheeks. «Yes.»

So it happened. They soaked together in the water, so hot it was barely tolerable, facing each other, their feet and legs touching. Baekhyun couldn’t really look at Chanyeol in the face, at first, because it felt so _weird_ being naked in front of him, after all that time where they kept hiding their bodies behind towels and bathrobe like two small boys, but the warm water and the scented soap that Chanyeol poured in started to make him feel very relaxed, and eased his uneasiness.

«Your face is so nice» Chanyeol complimented him, leaning his head on his bent elbow, looking at him adoringly. «You look good when you’re wearing makeup, but you’re absolutely stunning when you are like this. Your features are beautiful.»

«Eww. I’ll need bread to eat with all this cheese.» Chanyeol splashed some water at him, and some got into Baekhyun’s eyes, making them sting. «Ow.»

«Let me see.» Chanyeol got closer, examining Baekhyun’s reddened eye before helping him to rinse it with some fresh water. «Looks okay to me now.»

«Yeah, it doesn’t burn anymore.»

Their faces were so close, now, that kissing wasn’t even an option. It was a compulsion.

Their lips touched languidly, and for the first time Baekhyun tasted the sensation of Chanyeol’s tongue caressing his. He mewled into his mouth, manoeuvring to get closer, and without a single thought he sat onto the taller boy’s lap. He felt the hardness of his bones and muscles, and the stirring of _that_ part of him that was coming to life against his ass.

It was sexy, thinking he was the one who made him so hot.

Chanyeol looked at him, and when their gazes met Baekhyun felt his heart rate increase. It meant so much, for both of them, being this close and caring so much for each other.

He moved, shifting against Chanyeol, and a wave of pleasure travelled through his body. He put his arms around the taller boy’s neck, sliding against him. At first Chanyeol stayed silent, flushed and a little dumbfounded by his actions, but then, after a particularly well-aimed thrust, he threw his head back and moaned. That was all Baekhyun wanted to hear, and he kissed the boy’s collarbone, still rocking against him. «I love you» he murmured against his skin, sending pleasurable vibrations all over Chanyeol’s body.

The taller boy grabbed his face, yanking him forward to kiss him. Their lips met sloppily, while Chanyeol’s hands travelled lower to sink into the tender flesh of Baekhyun’s hips, pushing him against the edge of the tub. And when Chanyeol’s lithe body pressed over his, weighed on him, settling in the middle of his legs, the cores of their bodies coming in contact, Baekhyun finally felt that everything was just like it was supposed to be.

«Chanyeol» he begged, mouth dragging over the boy’s soft cheek, feeling just the slightest hint of stubble beneath, «please, Chanyeol. Come for me.»

Chanyeol gasped, thrusting against him, their cocks sliding one against the other, and when his big hand wrapped around them, the both of them, Baekhyun whimpered. They came together, shuddering in the cooling water, the scent of their bodies mingling with the perfumed soap in the steamy air.

After they got dressed, they realized they were so hungry that their stomachs kept growling. They wolfed down the porridge, Baekhyun sitting on Chanyeol’s lap, because he found strangely difficult letting go of him, now.

«I don’t feel comfortable, waiting here for you to come back.»

«It’s something that I need to do by myself.»

«I know, but...»

Chanyeol shut him with a kiss. «I won’t waste any unnecessary time» he said, «I swear.»

Baekhyun could sense he was nervous, though. He began to get fidgety at three, and he definitely turned restless at a quarter to four, pacing all over the kitchen like a caged animal. «Guess it’s time to go now» he blurted out, grabbing his coat and scarf. «I’ll see you in half an hour, okay? Get yourself comfortable and watch some TV. It won’t take long.»

«Okay» Baekhyun weakly agreed, watching him get ready to leave. For some reason, he was terribly worried.  «Are you still sure you don’t want me to come with you?»

Chanyeol forced a smile to appear on his face. «I said don’t worry, babe. I’ll be back in a flash.»

And he got out. Baekhyun watched from the window as he walked his way through the snow, reaching the street with some difficulty. The sky was milky white, and it looked like it could snow again soon.

«Please be safe» he whispered, watching him go. He texted his parents, saying everything was okay and that Chanyeol’s family welcomed them warmly, then he went to wipe the bathroom because it looked a little messy after their shared bath. He found wipes, detergent and sponges under the sink, and he started cleaning carefully every surface until it shone. When he was done, he looked at the clock, and he noticed it was late, almost dinner time.

And Chanyeol wasn’t back yet.

He heard the sound of a key being turned in the front door, and he ran into the hall. Chanyeol’s sister looked at his pale face, puzzled. «What’s wrong, Baekhyun? Everything okay with my baby bro?»

«He didn’t return yet» the boy gasped, terror gripping at his guts. «He said he would be back in half an hour.»

The girl immediately dialled Chanyeol’s number on her phone. «He won’t pick up the call. Come, let’s get my car. We’ll go check if he’s alright.»

They got on an old pickup, which kept drifting slightly on the now icy road. It was dark, and there weren’t many lights outside. They stopped by the old lady’s house, and Baekhyun stayed back in the car, actually quivering in fear, while Chanyeol’s sister went to talk with the woman. Yeah, the boy came to meet her before... no, they just had some tea and cookies and they talked a little. A sweet boy indeed, yeah. She just wanted to make sure he was doing okay after what happened almost ten years before.

«He left a couple hours ago» the girl spat, switching on the engine again. «I wonder where the little fucker went. Is he crazy or what? Mom and dad are going to freak out, if he doesn’t return home immediately.»

Baekhyun couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t, or the sobs would start to wreck him.

«Don’t be like this» the girl reproached him, but in a kind, sister-like way. «We’ll find him. And when we do, God helps me, I’ll fucking _kill_ him.»

Baekhyun started crying hard. He wanted him in his arms, now, safe. He just wanted him to feel better after those long years of suffering and pain.

«I know you love him, sweetie» Chanyeol’s sister gently soothed him. «Mom and dad might not notice, but only a blind man wouldn’t see how much you care for each other. But don’t worry. He loves you back. He would never leave you like this. I’m sure he just needed a little time by himself.»

Baekhyun nodded, but tears kept falling. He couldn’t be sure of it, until he wouldn’t find him. He was sure of nothing, in that moment.

They were driving in an almost completely dark road, when they noticed a familiar lanky figure all hunched up on a bench. «It’s him!» the girl screamed, honking. «Chanyeol, you dumbass! It’s freezing, you’re going to get sick! Get on the car!»

Baekhyun opened the door, getting down from the car. The boy on the bench didn’t move an inch, looking at him from under his coat’s hood, which was sprinkled in fresh snow.

He knelt by his side, forgetting about the snow soaking through the material of his pants, and he grabbed the boy’s gloveted hands. «Chanyeol» he murmured, «baby. Are you alright?»

Chanyeol’s face showed the faint traces of dried tears. He nodded slowly, leaning over Baekhyun when he tried to stand. «Help me, noona» the boy called, because Chanyeol was too heavy for him to carry. His sister got down from the car, helping him lay the half-fainted boy on the back seat.

«Sorry, I know I promised to be back soon» Chanyeol murmured, eyes falling closed, «but I wanted to face you with a smiling face, and I wasn’t ready yet.»

Baekhyun held him the tightest he could. 

«I love you» Chanyeol quietly whispered in his ear, before curling up against him and sighing deeply.


	5. Love

_A few days later_

Baekhyun was in the school yard, sitting under a tree during lunch break with a textbook spread on his bent knees. Sehun left him to go to the toilet, but he suspected he was just making excuses to sneak into Luhan’s classroom to meet with his boyfriend. Luhan’s travel to China had been scheduled for two months later, and his best friend was determined not to waste any time that could be spent with the boy. Baekhyun found it a little annoying, before his trip in the countryside with Chanyeol, but now he could understand Sehun better. Now he knew the ache of being apart from the loved one, and he also knew that Sehun would need a lot of help and friendship during the few months he would spend alone in Korea while Luhan was away.

He actually admired him for his courage, because he couldn’t think of staying far from Chanyeol, not even for a short while.

«Hello» a polite voice greeted him, and when he raised his gaze, he met Jonghyun’s pretty eyes. «It’s been a while.»

Baekhyun smiled, happy to see him again. «Hello, Jonghyun. How are you doing?»

The boy smiled back. «Good, I think. I’ve been busy with midterms, like everyone. You look... different.»

«Different?» the other wondered, «What kind of different?»

Jonghyun stared at him. «I don’t know, maybe it’s just because you’ve been wearing very little or no makeup at all, lately... you look good.»

Baekhyun unconsciously brought a hand to his face, but then he just brushed away his hair from his forehead. «Thank you» he said, «you know, a lot of things happened, lately. I felt like I needed to stop hiding behind a mask, if you get what I mean.»

Jonghyun sat next to him, not too near. «I think I can understand you.»

They both kept silent for a while, staring at the crowded yard. It was still cold, but the sun was shining and most of the snow already melted, leaving behind just a few blackened clumps in the corners. Baekhyun’s heart was at peace, while looking at those familiar scenes of students shouting, playing and talking. And Jonghyun’s presence by his side didn’t feel as overwhelming as before.

Things really did change, he told himself.

«Me and Key broke up» Jonghyun suddenly said. Baekhyun turned to face him.

«What?»

«We broke up shortly after our little sham» the boy went on. «It wasn’t the same anymore. None of us could feel that spark between us. We agreed together that everything was over.»

«I’m sorry» Baekhyun weakly replied. He could see Chanyeol’s lean figure approaching them from across the yard, and he motioned at him to wait a little. Jonghyun noticed, and smiled wryly.

«It’s not your fault, if it’s what you’re thinking.»

«Are you sure? But...»

«You helped me clearing my mind, actually. Analyzing my feelings. I needed a more stable relationship, someone who could be faithful to me and I could trust. Key was never like that... and he’ll never be, I think.»

«I’m sorry you remained alone, though...»

Jonghyun smiled. «And who said I’m alone?»

Just then, Baekhyun noticed a person kicking a snow clump some meters away, who kept staring at them. He was rather small, less flashy than Kibum, but cute in a non-conventional way.

«I wish you all the best, Baekhyun» Jonghyun said, shaking his hand while getting back on his feet. 

«Yeah, me too.»

Baekhyun stayed put, watching the couple walk away quietly. «You okay?» Chanyeol asked, quickly reaching his spot.

«Yeah. Looks like Kibum and him broke up.»

«Oh. I’m sorry for them.»

Baekhyun took his hand without saying anything, and Chanyeol held it tight. «Are you busy with your club activities, in the afternoon? I’d like to spend the afternoon with you.»

He looked at him, anxious. Just a few days before, his boyfriend would have said no, to a request like that. He loved his music club, and he never missed a chance to go there with Yixing, who was his guitar buddy. Chanyeol had a real talent with music, and he was good at composing songs too. Lately, he was working on a project with Yixing and a couple other guys from his club, and he hoped their song could score a good rank at a music competition that was held at school during the break after midterm exams.

So, Baekhyun had little faith Chanyeol could accept his suggestion.

«I can skip it for once.»

Baekhyun raised his head, surprised.

«I can skip it» Chanyeol repeated, bending down slightly to touch his cheek, «I was actually thinking to spend some more time with you as well. I miss having you around, now that we’ve returned to school.»

Baekhyun felt his cheek starting to warm. «Chanyeol» he murmured, and the taller boy ducked his head, meeting his lips in a gentle kiss. Without caring of the attention they were drawing in the yard, Baekhyun wrapped his arms around Chanyeol’s neck, pulling him closer.

When the bell rang, he briefly went to tell Sehun he would get home with Chanyeol. «We’re getting home early, guys» he said, joining his friends in the library, where they were studying hard. After Luhan revealed his wish to go to China, Sehun turned into a complete nerd.

«Okay, have fun» Sehun told them, before returning to his book. Tao, who was dozing off on the table some seats away, gave a double thumbs up to Baekhyun, making him blush from head to toe. It was like they were letting the whole world know they were going to have sex, that day.

«They pretended they didn’t care, but they’re going to assault us with questions later» Chanyeol said, grinning, and Baekhyun hit him on his elbow.

«Idiot.»

Chanyeol grabbed him in a bear hug. «I know you don’t mean it.»

Baekhyun tried to squirm away, and when he succeeded he ran out of the school gate, towards the bus stop. The bus was already there, and they managed to get up just in time before he left. They panted and laughed like mad while they validated their tickets and pressed their bodies amidst the crowd. The world was spinning, the world was crazy, and they were so in love.

«Home already?» Xiumin asked them, when he came into the hall hearing the sound of the key being turned into the lock. «Chanyeol, what about club activities?»

«I can skip it once or twice» Chanyeol smiled broadly, while Baekhyun let go of his hand immediately, feeling his fathers’ eyes on him. He left his shoes near the door, trying his best to get the “no, dad, it’s not like we’re going to fuck each other like bunnies now” face.

Xiumin smiled. «Okay, guys» he said. «I’ll call you later if I need help with dinner.»

«Okay» they replied at the unison, running upstairs.

The psychologist looked at them a little worriedly, and Chen appeared on the kitchen’s threshold. «Ahem.»

«Oh, please. Don’t give me the smug face. It’s natural to be a little worried, isn’t it? My baby’s all grown up.»

«Yes» Chen hugged him from behind. «Our baby finally overcame his fears.»

Xiumin turned slightly, looking at his husband. «Are you sure everything is going to be alright?»

«Get inside, baby» Chen pushed him, «and make something tasty. They’ll be hungry like little wolves, afterwards.»

Xiumin screeched in disdain. «I can’t believe you said something so disgusting about your own son!» But he was smiling.

Chen was still laughing when he closed the kitchen’s door behind them.

\---oOo---

When everything was finally quiet, Baekhyun quietly returned into his room.

«I think they went both into the kitchen» he said.

Chanyeol was sitting on his bed, texting Yixing who was nagging him about club activities. «Why so nervous?»

Baekhyun shook his head, locking the door. «I don’t know. I feel as if the whole world is staring at us, right now.»

Chanyeol laughed, putting his phone away. «Don’t be silly. Come here.»

Baekhyun complied, jumping onto the bed with him. They played around, wrestling like little kids, until Baekhyun was on his back and Chanyeol was keeping him pinned down with his weight. «Interesting position, Mr. Kim» the tall boy said, mischievous.

«Interesting indeed, Mr. Park.» Baekhyun traded his fingers among Chanyeol’s hair, pulling them away from the boy’s face, while his tone turned serious. «Are you going to be gentle with me, Mr. Park?»

Chanyeol touched his nose to Baekhyun’s. «I’ll be gentle, Mr. Kim, I swear.»

They kissed, tongues languidly sliding together. Chanyeol helped Baekhyun sit before unbuttoning his jacket and throwing it away along with his own. They kissed again, hands roaming over the soft fabric of their shirts, fingers tugging at the ties and buttons. When Baekhyun’s neck was bared, Chanyeol attacked it with kisses, nipping at the soft skin in a way he knew his boyfriend loved. Baekhyun sneaked his hands under Chanyeol’s shirt, caressing the warm skin beneath and feeling the strong muscles under his fingertips. He was already hard, as he could tell from the lower part of his body being pressed against his thigh.

He was worried, though. After Chanyeol’s meeting with the old lady, they spent another day in the countryside, then they returned home. Their physical intimacy undoubtedly improved, but they didn’t found the courage to engage in a full sexual encounter yet. Baekhyun loved the pleasure Chanyeol provided to him... but he started to feel as if something was missing.

And, this time, he was the one shying away from it.

When he talked about it with Sehun, his friend didn’t share his worry. «Life doesn’t revolve around sex, Baekhyun. A lot of gay couples, according to the internet, never really had sex, since it could be a little discomforting. It seems like you two are enjoying yourself just enough, right now. Why obsessing over such a trivial thing? If it’s bound to happen, it will. No need to freak out.»

But Sehun couldn’t understand how much it meant to him. He wanted to belong to Chanyeol, to feel complete with him, physically just like emotionally. His body had been soiled many times, and now that he was sure Chanyeol was the love of his life, he kind of expected him to... to purify him from all the dirt.

And he was sure Chanyeol knew it too.

Baekhyun knelt down on the bed, his half unbuttoned shirt hanging from his shoulders. «Baby» he murmured, his face closer to Chanyeol’s, «I think I’m ready.»

The boy looked at him, his eyes full of concern. «Are you sure?»

Baekhyun nodded, not trusting his voice enough to speak. Chanyeol never told him what the old lady said, the day they met. After he found him crying in the snow, Baekhyun spent the night keeping him close in his old bed, trying to warm him with his body, because the boy kept shuddering as if he was still freezing. But he could sense something was definitely changed, with him, and he had the confirmation of it the day after, when Chanyeol woke him up with a kiss and a smile on his face. His burden has finally been lifted from his shoulders, and Baekhyun screamed in happiness, when he saw him smiling so freely. They spent the remnants of their brief vacation playing in the snow, kissing and discoveries new delicious ways of sharing their intimacy. Baekhyun remembered with a shiver when Chanyeol took his cock between his lips, blowing him to orgasm. It felt so good... but it didn’t feel totally right, it didn’t feel complete. Baekhyun wanted both of them to feel good, to be really together. Taking turns to please each other was nice, but he needed more.

The question was, was he ready for it, now that Chanyeol seemed to be?

«Baby» Chanyeol murmured, muttering against his skin, «I don’t want you to feel pressured, okay?»

Baekhyun grabbed his head, keeping him close. «I don’t feel... uh... pressured.» Chanyeol’s mouth found his nipple, tugging at it gently, and he squirmed under the powerful sensation.

«Baby» Chanyeol gently insisted, «you’re quivering.»

They parted again, laying on the bed one next to the other. «Sorry» Baekhyun softly said, while they both caught their breath.

«Look» Chanyeol said, grabbing something on his nightstand to show him, «I bought this.»

Baekhyun took the small vase in his hands. «Massage oil?»

Chanyeol’s ears turned a little red. «It said “exotic scent” and stuff» he justified himself. «I thought it could be, uh, nice.»

Baekhyun uncapped it, smelling the thick substance. According to the way it melted on his fingers, it would feel heavenly on his skin. «It’s nice» he confirmed, looking at Chanyeol.  

«Close your eyes and lie down comfortably» the other said, kissing him, «I’ll take care of you.»

Baekhyun did as he was told without thinking twice. Another person could have implied a sexual innuendo, in that choice of words, but Chanyeol made it sound literal. _I’ll take care of you_. It was just what Baekhyun needed, in that moment. Care.

He took off his shirt and pants, and then he lied on his stomach with just his underwear on. He jumped a little at the weird sensation of the cool and slippery substance being poured directly over his skin, but then he relaxed immediately when Chanyeol’s big hands started working it over his back. His neck and shoulders were a little sore, lately, and he enjoyed the massage, as Chanyeol firmly caressed each of his vertebrae, before sliding over his shoulder blades and forearms. The oil felt luxurious on his skin, and it smelled so good. He groaned contentedly when Chanyeol bent down to kiss his nape.

«I’m going to take your underwear off, baby» the boy warned him.

«Hmm-hmm» Baekhyun hummed, almost in a daze. He loved being touched like that. He lifted his hips from the mattress to help Chanyeol divest him of the last garment he was wearing, and he wasn’t very surprised to feel his big, callused hands slide over his buttocks. 

It lasted for just a few seconds, though, because Chanyeol immediately moved to his thighs, pressing gently over the knotted muscles there, then stroking the rear of the knees and the hard shins, before paying some extra attention to his tiny, gracious feet.

«What are you doing» Baekhyun giggled.

«I told you. I’m taking care of you.»

Then, Chanyeol’s big and gentle hands slide under Baekhyun’s belly, actually grabbing his hips and lifting him from the mattress. He gasped, falling behind like a dead body, since he was so relaxed he couldn’t brace himself in time, until his back hit Chanyeol’s warm chest. The taller boy must have got rid of his own clothes, at some point, because Baekhyun could feel his bare skin press against him, while his long arms wrapped him from behind.

For a long moment they stayed like this, holding each other, enjoying the closeness. Chanyeol’s lips hovered over Baekhyun’s left ear. «I love you.»

Baekhyun sighed when Chanyeol’s hands resumed their journey, this time roaming over the flat planes of his bony chest and abs. He threw his head back when Chanyeol’s fingers touched his nipples, then he chuckled when his slick hands massaged his tummy. «I’m not a sick kid, you know.»

Even without being able to see his face, he could feel Chanyeol smile. «I know.»

His hands travelled lower, and Baekhyun hissed when he touched his stirring cock. He sat more comfortably on Chanyeol’s thighs, feeling the boy’s hardened member press against his rear.

It was so hot.

Chanyeol’s hand encased his cock, holding it firmly before beginning a slow movement. Baekhyun moaned, his head falling back to rest over the taller boy’s shoulder. He offered his lips for a kiss, and Chanyeol immediately covered his mouth with his own. The weird angle made it messy and sloppy, but they didn’t care. It was perfect to them, feeling each other in that way, being this close.

«Do you want to finish like this?» Chanyeol asked, his voice a low purr in Baekhyun’s ear.

The part of Baekhyun’s body which was being stimulated so deliciously screamed _yes, oh please yes_. But his heart and mind wanted something else.

«N-no» he weakly stuttered. «I want you... inside myself.»

Chanyeol said nothing, but his hand let go of him, actually squeezing Baekhyun in a choking embrace. He wanted it too, Baekhyun thought. He needed it just as badly as him.

He gently disentangled himself from his arms, the oil making it a little difficult, then he made comfortable on  Chanyeol’s lap, facing him.

He smiled, feeling suddenly shy and self-conscious. «Here I am, baby» he whispered, his lips only millimetres away from Chanyeol’s, «I’m yours.»

It was stupid, it was cheesy, but it was so _right_ his eyes swelled with tears. And Chanyeol could feel the same intensity, because his pupils were dilated, almost swallowing his irises.

Slowly, gently, he dipped his fingers in the now half-empty vase of oil, then he let his hand slide inside the crease between Baekhyun’s buttocks, following the soft curve. Baekhyun shifted a little to let him have better access... and then he tensed when he felt him probe gently at his entrance.

He opened his eyes, startled. He didn’t expect his body to react in such a powerful way. Maybe it was just a huge mistake, and he wasn’t ready for a complete intercourse yet. Or maybe he would never be.

«Baby» Chanyeol gently instructed him, «close your eyes. Breathe. It’s me... I’ll never hurt you.»

He kissed his quivering eyelids, his sweaty brow, his cheeks and the tip of his nose, and then, slowly, comfortingly, his lips.

Baekhyun wrapped his arms around him, tangling his fingers into his hair. _It’s him. He won’t hurt me_.

He breathed deeply, and he felt Chanyeol’s slickened finger slip inside of him.

 _Calm down_ , he imposed to himself, _calm down_. It felt weird, discomforting. And it carried many, many unwanted memories. He stifled a sob, hiding his face in the crook of Chanyeol’s neck.

«Baby» the boy repeated, in a calm, soothing voice, «disconnect your mind for a little bit... let yourself free from your monsters. If you let them go once, they’ll look less scary, next time they’ll come to torment you.»

Baekhyun wanted him to be right. He wanted it so badly.

He eased his breathing again, filling his tummy with air like his dad told him to do when he was stressed and angry, he held it a little and then he released it slowly from his nostrils.

«Good, baby» Chanyeol praised him, «you’re doing so good.»

Baekhyun held onto him while he was being slowly stretched. At first he was so scared at the mere thought of feeling pain, that he kept tensing at every little movement of Chanyeol’s finger. But then, after a while, his heart slowed down, until he found the resolution to straighten his back and rock slightly against Chanyeol’s hand.

«How are you feeling?» the taller boy asked him.

Baekhyun looked at him, his honest face and deep eyes. «Better» he murmured, kissing the corner of his lip. He was the one he loved, he reminded to himself, and what they were doing was an act of love, not of selfishness and violence.

He had nothing to fear.

His body gave up his last resistance, becoming more pliable under Chanyeol’s patient ministrations. His fingers finally found Baekhyun’s prostate, making him shiver and moan, and Chanyeol finally smiled, pulling him closer with his free arm. «That’s it, baby.»

Chanyeol teased him for another little while, then his hand slowly left Baekhyun’s body, making him groan in protest.

«Sorry» Chanyeol murmured. «I need to wear this.»

He parted from him a little, fumbling with a condom. «I don’t know how to put it on...»

Baekhyun chuckled, throwing his arms around his neck because he didn’t want to stay apart from him. «You’re making it difficult» Chanyeol complained, and Baekhyun playfully licked his cheek, making him squirm and scream. «Gah!»

When he was finally done, Chanyeol breathed deeply, exchanging a long gaze with him. Baekhyun knew the moment was come, and he pulled Chanyeol along with him, while he let himself sink on the mattress. «Like this» he whispered.

Chanyeol coated himself in oil, then he hovered over  Baekhyun, suspended on all fours. Obeying to an instinct that took over his body, Baekhyun spread his legs, crossing his heels in the small of Chanyeol’s back, and he felt him press at his entrance.

He was rather long, but slender. He thought that part of him was just as nice as the rest of his body.

He let out a moan while Chanyeol slowly entered him. «Tell me if it hurts» he said, his voice strained with the effort.

It burned a little, more than hurting, and Baekhyun even dared to smile boldly. «How does it feel?»

«Uh...» Chanyeol seemed a little lost. «Great. You’re so tight and hot.»

The praise, and a little adjustment of Chanyeol inside himself, made Baekhyun see stars for a second. «I feel...» he began, but the sensation was too overwhelming to voice out. «I feel so...» His voice trailed off.

Chanyeol pressed his forehead to Baekhyun’s, closing his own eyes while he stilled to savour the feeling. Then, slowly, he began to move.

Baekhyun stared at him, at his beautiful face, his tense brow, his gritted teeth. He took his head between his hands, until Chanyeol opened his eyes and looked at him.

They were sharing something so big they were both afraid of it.

Slowly, Baekhyun began to move as well, meeting Chanyeol’s thrusts, which were increasing in power and speed. The vague discomfort he felt at the beginning was now gone, and the pleasure he was feeling was different from everything he ever tried in his life. It was something that came from the very core of his body, starting dull but slowly turning into something so vivid and bright he was afraid he could burn him to ashes. He wanted it to last forever... but also, incredibly, to finish. And to finish quickly, and _amazingly_.

Their gazes were locked, and their eyes spoke for them. There was no need to ruin that moment with unnecessary words. They were expressing their love, their hope for the future, their want of build a stable relationship. Chanyeol’s pace increased, and Baekhyun made a low sound in the back of his throat. He was feeling so good...

When they came, tears came too. Baekhyun felt Chanyeol’s fall all over his face and chest, and he realized his vision was so blurred because he was silently crying as well. They went through so much hardships, to be together like that. Words like _fate_ and _destiny_ came randomly to their minds, while they rocked together, basking in the aftershocks of their pleasure. They were finally free from all the pain and the suffering, now.  They were finally complete.

«I’m yours» Chanyeol murmured, his nose buried in Baekhyun’s sweaty hair.

«I’m yours» Baekhyun repeated, hands roaming all over his back.

And that was enough.

\---oOo---

«I’ll text Chen» Sehun announced, «I’ll tell him we won’t need him to come and pick us up from school today. We’ll stop at the mall briefly and then we’ll get home by bus.»

Luhan scoffed. «Oh, please. As if he would let us. You know he’s always overprotective, and then the mall isn’t a safe place, for him, after what happened with us not so many times ago. He’ll insist to accompany us... and it will be just plain weird, since he’s Baekhyun’s father and stuff.»

«Fuck» Sehun cursed. «No congratulations’ cake, then.»

Tao looked at him with a frown. «You can’t give people a cake to congratulate them because they just had sex, Sehun.»

The blond boy was confused. «No?»

«No» Tao and Luhan replied, at the unison. Sometimes, Sehun was just so dense.

«A, err, present, then?»

«Neither.»

«I could wait outside of their room with my guitar and play a congratulations’ song!» Yixing suddenly suggested, but Joonmyeon looked at him in horror.

«Oh my God, please, no. They’d die of embarrassment.»

«Sorry» the Chinese boy looked at his boyfriend with his arms crossed, «but how’s a terribly clichéd cake better than my music?»

«Uh? I didn’t mean it like that, baby, your music it’s great, I just wanted...»

«Listen» Kyungsoo suggested, holding hands with Kai, «why don’t we just act as if never happened? I think it’s just weird congratulating people for having sex.»

Luhan nodded, satisfied, while Sehun looked terribly grumpy. «You guys are no fun» he complained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was a challenge to write... I wanted to keep it short, but I swear it wrote by itself. T_T  
> Now, on to Kaisoo! Thanks to all my lovely readers.


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